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Blondie, 3/6/24

Personally, I think the best way to celebrate National Dentists’ Day would be to simply to go to the dentist for your twice annual cleaning! Which Dagwood has already done, so he’s way ahead of the game. And maybe you should take some time to congratulate them on their special day, but that would require knowing about it in advance, and sadly that ship has sailed for Dagwood already. Apparently he doesn’t have the calendar with all the obscure/fake holidays in it like the Blondie creative team has!

Mark Trail, 3/6/24

A lot of people complain about new-look Mark Trail, and while I’ve been accepting of certain changes, like the stubble, I absolutely cannot abide newly millennial Mark trying to tell us honest, hard-working real Americans we shouldn’t eat horses! Horsemeat made America what it is today, and the fact that the “woke mob” has come for the delicious, juicy horseburgers we all enjoy grilling up before the Big Game is a sad commentary on society.

Mary Worth, 3/6/24

Look, Mary, you have got to stop talking about Keith Hillend. Nobody cares! The only interesting thing about him is the fact that he lied about being Sonia’s dad, and you’re not privy to that information so it’s not like you can dish out the hot goss. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but have you considered asking Jeff about how his day is going or something like that?

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Gil Thorp, 2/27/24

Under new writer Henry Barajas, Gil Thorp has introduced a more diverse cast, kept old characters around, and even rescued Gil’s children from whatever “Phantom Zone”-style limbo-dimension prison they had been exiled to. But are we ready to meet [record scratch] Gil’s brother? He’s got the Thorp chin, a normal haircut, and a kicky scarf, and he can effortlessly carry three coffees at once. He seems awesome! Watch out, Gil, there’s a new Thorp in town!!!!

Blondie, 2/27/24

It’s never exactly clear where the Bumsteads live, but I assume that the community is dominated by Mr. Dithers and his business cronies, leading to a deeply labor-hostile local media. That’s the only explanation for what we see in the first panel, where the news broadcast has eschewed the usual B-roll of people walking the picket line for this strike story in favor of just a close up on a human foot.

Gasoline Alley, 2/27/24

There probably aren’t a ton of upsides to being a 145-year-old cartoon character whose pleas for death fall on the unhearing ears of your cruel Creator, but at least your unnaturally addled brain can’t retain anything for too long. Can’t stay mad about things you can’t change if you don’t know what they are!

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Blondie, 2/21/24

I am coming around to the opinion that the primary value of the syndicated newspaper comic strip Blondie is to provide anthropological insights into the mind and culture of the American middle-class boomer. Take today’s strip, for example: a real problem is identified (in this case, a formerly crucial communications channel becoming mostly a medium for delivering scams and garbage) but the issue is seen primarly as a personal affront to the viewpoint character imposed on him by whatever service worker he happens to interact with. Truly there is no clearer icon of “How can this be happening to Me, the protagonist of reality” than Dagwood impotently waving his fist in the air in panel three!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/21/24

That “feller” is almost certainly a self-insert of current Snuffy Smith artist John Rose, which means that Snuffy just missed a chance to have his own Creator craft a universe that he ruled like a king, for a mere $50! When he cast his critical eye across the canvas, did he not recognize his own lumpy nature in the scene’s imperfections?