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Dennis the Menace, 8/31/19

Lord knows I’m sympathetic to the dilemma that syndicated comics artists find themselves in, trying to generate new joke-bearing scenarios out of varying combinations of the same basic components year after year, but I don’t think today’s Dennis the Menace rings true. Could George Mitchell, who barely tolerates Dennis’s presence in his house, and who also generally can’t avoid Dennis because he never leaves his house, really have been convinced to take Dennis to a movie? Sorry, I can’t suspend my disbelief, though I do buy the idea that the precocious and mature Margaret would easily be able to navigate the cinema experience by herself, as we can see in the background.

Blondie, 8/31/19

You know, the whole goofy Dagwood food thing makes a lot more sense if we read it as an elaborate metaphor for sex addiction. Dagwood can get sandwiches in his own home any time he wants — his wife is of course very good at making sandwiches, and in a pinch he’s pretty proud of how well he can make one himself — but that can’t satisfy him anymore. He needs new sandwiches, different sandwiches, sandwiches in weird and unlikely places. He’ll make up any ridiculous excuse to go anywhere if it seems like he might be able to get a sandwich out of it, and now he’s gotten to the point where he’s not even trying to hide it from his wife anymore.

Hi and Lois, 8/31/19

If you want a more mature, realistic take on what happens when a seemingly innocent trip to the golf course descends into lies and marital strife, we recommend Hi and Lois.

Mark Trail, 8/31/19

We haven’t seen a lot of Andy the dog in Mark Trail lately, and now we know why: he’s no longer fit to appear in a family comic strip because, as we can tell by his wide eyes and lolling tongue in panel one here, he’s become a sicko pervert who gets turned on by watching humans “do it.” (A lingering closed-mouth kiss what passes for “doing it” in the Mark Trail universe.)

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/31/19

Oh, sorry, have we not spent enough covering the denouement of the whole “Rex unmasks the Miss Galexia scam” plotline? Well, buckle up, because Rex is about to tell June the whole thing, in detail.

Family Circus, 8/31/19

HOLY SHIT

THE KEANE KIDS LIVE IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHERE SEPTEMBER IS 31 DAYS LONG

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

OR MAYBE AUGUST IS JUST ONE DAY SHORTER AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS EXACTLY THE SAME

STILL, IT’S PRETTY WEIRD, RIGHT

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/10/19

Back in 2018 Snuffy woke his father from a decades-long slumber, presumably to the great joy of his family and other community members who had long ago written him off for dead. Now, not even two years later, it appears that everyone is already sick of the elder Smif, no doubt because of his incorrigible criminality.

Blondie, 8/10/19

Sometimes Dagwood and Blondie seem like a mismatched pair, but panel one proves they really have simpatico worldviews. “Look at that asshole,” they sneer, “trying something daring and exciting that we would never even consider doing. Does he think he’s better than us? Fuck that guy.”

Gil Thorp, 8/10/19

Ah, I see Hadley has reached the “What is truth? Can we ever fully grasp reality? Isn’t it up to each of us to interpret the flickering shadows of sensation on the wall of our cave the best we can, just as Plato explained?” portion of her pitch to the school board.

Hi and Lois, 8/10/19

Welp, it looks like the Flagstons’ golfrodisiac fun has run its course. Back to soul-crushing, sexless suburban conformity for this pair!

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Blondie, 7/7/19

I know that it’s in the throwaway panels, but it bothers me so much that the “dental checkup” angle here never becomes part of the joke or is otherwise followed up on. He could’ve just said something about being late for a generic appointment. But now it’s a Chekov’s Gun that will never go off, lurking on the wall of my mind indefinitely. How are Dagwood’s teeth? How are Dagwood’s teeth, damn it! Is there something funny about them???

Funky Winkerbean, 7/7/19

I really enjoy Cindy’s smug smile in the final panel here. “You’re catching on, kid. Technology doesn’t really change anything: people are awful to each other and they always have been. The human race is fundamentally rotten and it’ll be good when we’re all dead!”