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Blondie, 3/25/18

I’m pretty much in awe of Blondie’s grim determination to constantly wedge in references to whatever noncontroversial current event is going to be happening when its strips are published, presumably weeks or months after they’re actually written. I hope that you, like the cast of Blondie, are enjoying “Final Four week,” the week-long celebration of the Final Four that we all know and love! I also hope that you’re in awe of Mr. Dithers’ ability to bounce a bound paper report up and down like a basketball, in violation of all laws of physics. People are gonna ask, “What’s the key indicator that what we’re seeing is some kind of ‘heightened reality,’ perhaps a hallucination or spirit vision?”, and most people are gonna go for Mr. Dithers’ six feet of vertical lift in the next-to-last panel, but for my money it’s him bouncing that unbounceable report, and by merely calling Dithers a “pretty decent dribbler” Dagwood is showing some profound disrespect.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/25/18

“Look, do you want everyone in this town dead of heart disease by 55 or not? I thought you were on board with the Montoni mission statement.”

Mary Worth, 3/25/18

Wait a minute … Wilbur is lonely and depressed, abandoned by his daughter and girlfriend, haunted by his many failures, and Mary is going to … take him to the top of a cliff … and have him contemplate his sad, broken life?

IT’S HAPPENING

IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING

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Mary Worth, 3/13/18

Ah ha, Dawn has been claiming all this time that everyone who dares to imply anything romantic is going on between her and Harlan doesn’t know what they’re talking about, and yet they’ve clearly had a conversation about their status! So the real question is: did Harlan have to deflect Dawn’s awkward pass, or vice versa? Anyway, as someone who spent a lot of time in college and my early 20s involved in emotionally intense all-consuming platonic relationships that never flowered into romance, I’m glad to see that the kids today are still getting involved in emotionally intense all-consuming platonic relationships that never flower into romance, and also still hanging Dark Side Of The Moon posters up in their bedrooms.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/13/18

The proud inhabitants of Appalachia, the Ozarks, and other mountainous enclaves have long been slandered by Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, but this … this goes too far. They may not be wealthy but they are proud people, and they are not into snake-fucking, despite the persistent rumors!

Blondie, 3/13/18

Suburbia, though? 100% into roast-fucking. That’s settled science.

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Blondie, 3/11/18

I was going to say that this reads like someone who’s never worked in an office making jokes about what working in an office is like based on things they’ve read or seen on TV, but then I thought about “Yeah, this water won’t drink itself!” and now I think it’s someone who’s never spoken to another human being making jokes about things human beings say based on what they’ve read or seen on TV.

Mary Worth, 3/11/18

Soooo, this strip has the distinct vibe of wrapping up this storyline, and if that’s the case all I can say is wow. If there’s a lesson we’re supposed to learn here, I guess it’s that if you try to use your skills for profit, you’re a whore and you’ll be treated like one, so the best course of action is to dedicate yourself to God and His representatives on Earth, and also not ever tell anybody about the time some guy tried to rape you because who’d be interested anyhow?

Dennis the Menace, 3/11/18

Not sure what’s more menacing: that Mr. Wilson is going to teach Dennis phrases that signal solidarity with bigots without being overtly racist, or that he’s going to trick him into summoning a vast pack of hungry dogs who will devour him.