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Mary Worth, 2/7/22

OK, I’ve been agitating for a while for another Toby and/or Ian storyline, so I’m hoping that today’s strip heralds a transition to a glorious Toby and/or Ian storyline and isn’t just another opportunity for someone else to react to Wilbur by chuckling “Ha ha! That’s our Wilbur!”

Assuming this is, in fact, the end Wilbur Winter and the beginning of a Cameron Springtime, I feel like we’re laying some good groundwork with this sad little birthday party for Toby, which is taking place in the Camerons’ frankly cramped living room, where the spread consists entirely of a bottle of champagne and three muffins, with the only attendees being Mary and Wilbur. I guess Wilbur and Estelle haven’t made up enough for her to be his date to this shindig, eh? Or maybe she just never cared for Toby. Either way would make perfect sense, to be honest. Too bad Toby has literally no other friends to invite! Not even anyone from the downtown art center! Overall the whole party is clearly a disaster, and that’s going to take a lot of emotional unpacking for Toby, which I anticipate that Ian will be unwilling and frankly unable to help with.

Crankshaft, 2/7/22

True old-head Crankshaft readers remember that, years ago, there were a bunch of rowdy kids on Crankshaft’s bus who he called “the rough riders,” and one day he promised to pay for their college education if they would just shut up and leave him in peace, which they did, and which he mostly forgot about until they reminded him right before they graduated, so he cashed in his retirement savings to fulfill his vow, which I guess is why he’s still driving a bus for a living despite being a million years old. Anyway, Ed’s never been what you’d call a pious man, but in light of all that I suppose it shouldn’t be too surprising to see him beseeching whatever higher power may be to please let him have some paid time off of work, just for a day or two.

Hagar the Horrible, 2/7/22

I’ve always thought it was kind of odd that there aren’t any strongly defined recurring characters in Hagar’s warband other than Lucky Eddie, but it only occurs to me now that this is maybe because they all get killed on a regular basis and he has to find new people to replace them.

Dennis the Menace, 2/7/21

TIRED: Ha, that Dennis sure is a menace! Why won’t he leave poor Mr. Wilson in peace?
WIRED: DON’T 👏 TALK 👏 TO 👏 CHILDREN 👏 ABOUT 👏 YOUR 👏 BOWEL 👏 MOVEMENTS

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Mary Worth, 1/21/22

Look, would we all be happier if Wilbur were dead? Absolutely. But, things being as they are, can we at least look forward to watching him try and repeatedly fail to climb a palm tree, with increasing desperation every time? Yes, yes we can. And remember, even if he manages to succeed, he’s just going to end up with a coconut. There is absolutely no way he will be able to open that coconut.

Crankshaft, 1/21/22

“Wow,” thought Pam. “He’s been talking about it for years but he finally did it. He finally figured out where to score weed.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/21/22

“Look, Kelly, I really don’t care about whatever frivolous artwork Rene collected. I just need you to say, clearly and for the record, that absence of evidence is the same thing is evidence of absence. You can do that, right? And you can do it under oath?”

Pluggers, 1/21/22

Oh, ha ha, just a plugger spending a dull Friday night listening to the police scanner. Say, I wonder a what code “10-45” means, let’s check on the old Google to fin–

AHHH

AHHH

OH MY GOD

IT’S ONE OF HIS FRIENDS

HIS DEAD FRIENDS

THE COPS ARE CALLING FOR BACKUP BECAUSE THIS BLOATED MAN-ANIMAL CORPSE IS SO VERY DISGUSTING THAT THEY CAN’T HANDLE IT

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Crankshaft, 1/6/22

I didn’t watch Netflix’s Bridgerton, but there was a brief window in late 2020 and early 2021 when online discourse about it was inescapable, and so I somewhat against my will became aware that a lot of the plot (which takes place in Regency England) revolves around a Duke insisting on using the withdrawal method of contraception with his young, sexually naive wife, and she slowly over the course of the show learns what semen is and why she’s not getting pregnant. What I’m saying is that the potential for classic Crankshaft wordplay here is absolutely horrifying, and Pam needs to put a stop to this is as soon as possible by throwing her television into the ocean.

Pluggers, 1/6/22

No. No. Absolutely not. This is the sort of thing a plugger would claim a little kid would do, because they spend all day on their iWhoosit or Android telephone or whatever. No self-identified plugger would admit to doing this. I refute this. I refute this.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/6/22

“Haw haw! We’re treatin’ our bodies like a garbage disposal! What d’we got to live for, anyway?”