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Beetle Bailey, 11/17/21

Miss Buxley’s face isn’t what you would call “expressive” — it’s more what I would call “blowup sex doll” — but given that she’s juggling multiple devices to fulfill her work duties while her boss, who has given her all these duties, waxes nostalgic about the good old days, I do think her expression is successfully conveying the correct sentiment in panel two, which is “MURDER MUDER MURDER”.

Dick Tracy, 11/17/21

Given that the Apparatus is led by a guy who wears a full-body gimp suit just to hang around the office and staffed by people like Doubleup, a dude with Dagwood Bumstead hair who carries a bullwhip around at all times, it’s extremely hilarious to me that they just have a regular-ass receptionist named “Joanne” out at the front desk fielding calls. I assume she sort of knows she’s taking messages about murders and such but in the grand scheme of things she’s not paid enough to care about it, you know?

Pluggers, 11/17/21

The periods at the end of the sentences here really make this one grim. “Oh hey,” the dog-man says, without emotion. “A wheat penny from 1955. Huh.” There’s no joy or excitement in this realization. He’s not even sure why he checks anymore, really. Finding a wheat penny is just another thing that happens to him, from a long list of things that have happened to him, a list that is rapidly accelerating towards its conclusion.

Blondie, 11/17/21

Sorry, I don’t buy this “eBay” business at all. We all know Elmo is a crypto guy, and he would absolutely be trying to sell Dagwood an NFT of his little bird, which would be a much more lucrative scam.

Crankshaft, 11/17/21

“I mean, it would look terrible, but whatever! It’s your video! You asked me for help, do you what you want, see if I care.”

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Crankshaft, 11/13/21

In one of the more jarring bits of Funkyverse visual shorthand, traditionally panels that are supposed to be flashbacks are depicted in sepia tones with corner tabs, as if they were in an old-timey photo album. This was true whether the action in question was supposed to be taking years before the main narrative or only weeks; today we keep the coloring but lose the corner tabs, so I guess this is supposed to represent a sepia-style Instagram filter or something. Anyway, remember those crazy days of March and April of 2020, when we were desperately trying not to shit? Crankshaft does! Maybe we just don’t usually seem him in profile, but in that second panel he’s looking much portlier than usual, and given the context I really don’t want to think about the implications.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/13/21

Speaking of the good old days, remember just a few weeks ago when we thought all these people might get blown up? Sadly, some guy we barely had time to get to know and dislike got blown up instead, so now instead of seeing Rex and June wading through a sea of carnage to use their medical skills to help the survivors get the hell out of dodge, we have to watch whatever this is happen instead.

Family Circus, 11/13/21

“And alone! You’re going to die in your messy room alone.”

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Crock, 11/1/21

I’m going to take a break from my long-running feud with Crock to offer some helpful humor advice: in the third panel here, Crock and Poulet should be looking into a toilet. I know, I’m usually not a big proponent of toilet humor on this blog (see for instance the 395 posts I have written over the past 15 years about the comic strip Marvin) but I think it’s an important tweak that would help make this punchline, which is about desert bandits breaking into fort’s plumbing, easier to parse. In its current form, the strip is relying on the reader’s ability to interpret Crock art and their general investment the world-building of the Crockiverse to correctly identify that well in the final panel, and I’m sorry, but I just think that’s asking too much of average person, who is doing their best but quite frankly has a lot on their mind right now.

Gasoline Alley, 11/1/21

Aww, the cute talking bears are back in Gasoline Alley! They’re peeking in the window of a Halloween party and remarking on all the “food” inside, by which I think we can all agree they mean people. “Wish it was inside me!” says the adorable baby bear, referring to his desire to tear human flesh from human bone and swallow it in great bloody chunks.

Crankshaft, 11/1/21

If Crankshaft is going to inflict this level of sub-pun on us, I appreciate that he at least looks dead inside as he does it. “Get it? Branch? Tree? A branch is part of a tree? Look, I don’t want to be here any more than you do.”

Mary Worth, 11/1/21

Oh snap it’s gonna be Wilbur vs. Ed Harding, The Reasonably Handsome Veteranarian That We Know Absolutely Nothing About for Estelle’s love, and immediately Ed becomes the prohibitive betting favorite!!!

Dennis the Menace, 11/1/21

“Heh, heh,” thinks Martha. “Every day his menacing skills grow more powerful. And soon, whether George is in the madhouse or in the grave by his own hand, I’ll finally be free.”