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Dennis the Menace, 10/5/26

Part of being a sophisticated textual critic such as myself is that you have to be able to distinguish between “something I dislike” and “something that is executed poorly.” So, for instance, you know that on principle I dislike the “Dennis insults his mother’s cooking” Dennis the Menace panels. But if you’re going to do it, having Dennis stare ahead, dead-eyed and drooling, and saying “This tastes like shit, mom, it tastes like food that’s just been lying around until it goes bad” is a pretty good execution.

Dick Tracy, 10/5/26

Big news, everyone! A new Dick Tracy storyline is starting today, and the very first strip is a guy falling down the stairs and dying! Or at least I assume? He actually looks pretty much the same in the air as he does on the ground, so maybe he’s fine and just shaped like that.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/5/26

For too long, the Baby Boomers and retro-hipster Gen Xers of Glenwood have only been able to express their toxic nostalgia through dedication to roots country music. But soon they’ll also be able to enjoy older films that have been largely forgotten by the mainstream cineaste community for presumably good reason, thanks to Mae Mae’s carefully invested movie earnings and/or Glenwood’s rock-bottom real estate prices!

Crankshaft, 10/5/26

“As a matter of fact, some prescription medications, especially generics, are manufactured in China. It’s somewhat more common, however, for the chemical raw materials to be produced in China while the drug formulation happens in India. Just another facet of our globalized era, where different countries with different prevailing labor costs and specific know-how end up specializing in different segments of the supply chain. I know that’s not a ‘punchline’ per se but I thought you might find it interesting!”

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Dennis the Menace, 8/27/26

As my readers well know, part of Dennis’s whole deal is that he hates his mother’s cooking and will insult it at any opportunity. Today, though, he ruefully admits that, even though his mother is bad at cooking, he doesn’t know anyone who’s better at it. Presumably he knows what good food tastes like as a result of his parents’ occasional attempts to bring him to fancy restaurants, but he doesn’t know any other cooks personally because his parents’ occasional attempts to make friends end in disaster when Dennis repeats their catty insults, so they never get invited over to anyone else’s house for dinner.

Daddy Daze, 8/27/26

Uh oh! The Daddy Daze family’s car is being fixed, but the garage won’t take credit cards, and the Daddy Daze daddy doesn’t have enough cash. What is he going to do? Follow the Daddy Daze baby’s suggestion, and … steal money from a carnival bathroom, I think?

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Judge Parker, 8/22/26

Hey, remember how Neddy was freaking out because April, or maybe a fake April, was coming to violently drag Charlotte off into her world of intrigue and spycraft? Well, let’s check in on how that exciting story is goi– oh, what’s that you say? It’s endless boring emotional processing, as predicted? Ah well. Let’s check back a few weeks from now, or maybe never.

Crankshaft, 8/22/26

Hey, remember how Crankshaft dragged Harry away in the middle of choir practice for some mysterious and very important reason? Well that reason was that Montoni’s, a place that Harry has visited before since he lives in Westview and everything in Westview revolves around Montoni’s for some god-forsaken reason, has a picture of Harry’s dad and his band on the wall, proving that Montoni had served mediocre Ohio-style pizza to not one but two generations of Dinkles. Harry never noticed the picture before because of his trauma, probably, but now that he’s made peace with the fact that his dad was a neglectful drunk, he apparently is happy to learn the extremely boring fact that his dad also bought pizza from the local pizza-making restaurant.

Dennis the Menace, 8/22/26

Look, I guess Monopoly is a game about business, sort of, but I don’t think Henry should’ve required Dennis to dress in business casual just to play it.