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Mary Worth, 7/8/25

“God damn it,” you’ve probably said to yourself, repeatedly over the past few months, “Are we going to get a non-Weston recurring character in Mary Worth at some point, or are we trapped in some kind of No Exit-style hell with Wilbur and Dawn specifically?” Well, good news: Olive is back, everybody! Johnnys-[gender neutral]-come-lately may not remember that Olive was a little girl who lived at Charterstone, who had psychic powers and maybe talked to angels, though that could’ve all been a side effect of her “tummy brain.” She was largely neglected by her parents because they were so horny, though they did try to have her special powers removed by a doctor, but he later turned out to be a junkie, so they ended up not doing that after all. Then they moved to New York, and usually when people leave Charterstone and/or Mary’s immediate field of vision they’re dead to her, but she actually visited Olive in the Big Apple and bought her a watch, and also checked in with a guy she had previously sexually rejected in the context of high-stakes cake-baking competition, but that’s not really related to Olive so we’ll forget that for now. Anyway, Mary’s going back to New York City, baby! What psychic adventures will she and Olive get up to? Will she meet up with another former beau, possibly handsome Broadwaysman Ken Kensington, who she flirted with on a different trip to New York while Jeff was busy saving lives in Vietnam or whatever and only didn’t hook up with because New York’s traffic was simply too scary for her. I am excited, obviously! Very excited! Wilbur better not fuck this one up, somehow!

Dennis the Menace, 7/8/25

I’m not sure if Henry’s facial expression here is meant to indicate “Jesus Christ, George, what exactly are you doing with my son that’s causing a repetitive motion injury” or “Jesus Christ, George, I’m leaving at this hour of the morning specifically so I don’t have to talk to anybody, why are you talking to me about Dennis, who I very much do not want to think or talk about”

Bizarro, 7/8/25

Wait, so human skeletons are also the grim reapers for reptiles and insects? That’s not right. I object both on philosophical grounds and because seeing a drawing of a mayfly skeleton in a cloak would’ve been much funnier.

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Dennis the Menace, 7/4/25

Kind of wild that Mrs. Wilson is waking her husband up by telling him not what time it is, but what day it is, implying that he’s been in bed and slipping in and out of consciousness for weeks. Only the prospect of celebrating America’s independence can lure him back to the world of wakefulness — but it’s just a cruel trick to get him to spend more time with his nemesis Dennis. Look at his horrified face in the second panel! His life is hell!

Family Circus, 7/4/25

Big Daddy Keane, meanwhile, is trying to feign sleep to avoid interacting with his kids on America’s birthday. I guess the real lesson of today’s panels is that children are annoying? America’s old and middle-aged people just want to sleep! Who told these kids about freedom of expression or whatever?

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 6/27/25

Look, we all associate Cinderella with trying on glass slippers, but canonically, the Prince’s retinue repeated the process over and over again with different girls, and once Cinderella put it on and proved her identity, that was the end of the glass-slipper-trying-on process. She only had to do it once! And she didn’t really wear glass slippers after that! Why would she want to wear them again as an old woman, as if she were in the habit of it? I know that fact-checking a cartoon is boring and lame, but I feel like we should hold a strip that’s literally called Mother Goose and Grimm to a higher standard.

Alice, 6/27/25

I know you all rely on me for keeping you up to date on the lore developments in the insane fever dream comic Alice, so here’s the latest: the weird Alice aliens live underneath Alice’s floorboards now, and one of them is in love (?) with her? More on this as it develops in new and insane ways!

Dennis the Menace, 6/27/25

Look at Mr. Wilson’s face. That’s the expression of a guy who’s either going to get rich at the blackjack table or die via suicide by casino security. Either way, he’s not gonna have to deal with this brat again.

Heathcliff, 6/27/25

They banned spiral hams and are putting our Heathcliff in prison, when are people gonna wake up to what’s going on in our country