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Archive: Dennis the Menace

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“Murderers go to heaven, right? I’d read the bible, but I’m illiterate”

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Hagar the Horrible, 3/23/16

When Christianity came to Scandinavia, it started at the top, with kings converting to better connect them to royalty in the rest of Europe, and then nobility to curry favor with the kings. Here we see a rather late stage in the process: the minor local barons who still lead the raids across the North Sea are Christians, at least nominally enough to start using a new vocabulary. But the ordinary men who they hope to lead into battle still yearn for entrance into Valhalla, the warrior’s afterlife. The thought that now they have to make themselves right with the pacifist son of the God of the southerners rightly throws them into turmoil, and at just the wrong time, too.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/23/16

I think it’s worth remembering, in between all the antics, how (intentionally? I think?) depressing this “Milton is sliding into dementia!” storyline is! Remember when Milton was a huge dick to everyone and it was because he was terrified of losing his mind? Remember when Heather said “I am not unhappy! And you don’t have Alzheimer’s Disease until Rex says you do!” WELP, check out her facial expression in panel two here! Enh, don’t worry too much, Heather, dementia isn’t why your husband can’t remember your best friend’s name; he was just given a list of professions in order of status when he arrived at Eton, and “nurse” is way below the “you need to remember their names” line. (“Nanny” is too, but there’s a well understood “you’ve had sex with them at least three times” exception.)

Dennis the Menace, 3/23/16

This is a weirdly formal setting for Dennis to deliver one of his trademark reminders of why you should never say anything bad about anyone when he’s in earshot. With his parents standing meekly to one side while Dennis squares off directly with this captain of industry, it looks as if Henry has dragged his son to the office to demand a raise because he’s too afraid to do so himself. Or maybe the boss has demanded to see this menacing child that Henry always talks about in hushed, terrified tones? “You’ve got moxie, kid, I’ll give you that. Let’s start you in sales, with a base salary of, say, 15% more than what I give your pathetic wimp of a father?”

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A Tuesday I did not mean to let get this depressing but here we are

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Shoe, 3/22/16

I’m not a fan of either playing or watching golf, but after reading this article, I’ve always been fascinated by the fact that what most people think of the particular artificial landscape created for golf courses is actually an attempt to reproduce the natural environment of coastal Scotland where the game was invented in the 1400s. You can see another strange echo of the now worldwide game’s connection to a particular place in today’s Shoe, in which a bird-woman is wearing a tam o’shanter. This is, I suppose, to provide a setup for the feint that produces the strip’s punchline. Did she purchase this faintly absurd hat, which Americans probably primarily think of as a goofy thing you wear ironically while playing golf, as a part of her decision to try to share her husband’s passion for the game? No. Her marriage is a nightmare nest of suspicions and deceit, but the hat is unrelated to any of that, and we’ll probably never know why she’s wearing it. Its inherent whimsy now merely serves as a sad counterpoint to the bird-woman’s depressing home life.

Dennis the Menace, 3/22/16

To maintain some poor soul in a rapidly decaying flesh-prison, to create a ghastly living portrait of Dorian Gray, in order to grant yourself an ageless existence as a sinister, eternal child — I would be hard pressed to imagine something more menacing than that. “Please, you’ve got to believe me!” Mr. Wilson gasps, smelling the stench of decay arising from his own flesh. “I’ve been bewitched by his foul magic! I’m only 35 years old!”

Plugger, 3/22/16

You’re a plugger if the only thing in your sad, plodding existence that can inspire you to muster up any sense of occasion or formality is when someone dies.

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How is the spandex around his hips not getting all twisted up

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Spider-Man, 3/19/16

I genuinely neither know nor want to know what is going on below Spider-Man’s waist in panel two here. The relative ability to rotate your femur bones all the way around of … a spider? Anyway, this is nicely distracting us from the fact that, when running to find his wife only in the company of a guy who already knows his secret identity, Peter Parker feels obliged to abruptly put on his spider-suit. It makes him feel safe, and powerful!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/19/16

Parson Tuttle may be a grifter, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t experience pangs of conscience now and then. That’s why his wife is always there, to keep him on the plan! Those fancy hats aren’t gonna pay for themselves!

Dennis the Menace, 3/19/16

In the end, this is the most effective way the old can menace the young: by letting them know that the long life they have ahead of them will be filled with disappointments.