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Dennis the Menace, 5/28/13

There’s the old Menace we know and love! At least, I assume something menacing is happening in this panel, as Mr. Wilson looks completely terrified. Not sure what that has to do with Dennis taking a photo of him, though. Unless maybe he’s a nefarious criminal, possibly wanted at the Hague for crimes against humanity, and he’s afraid that if his face appears anywhere online INTERPOL will come for him. Or maybe it’s actually the act of climbing the ladder that freaks him out, and his anxiety is compounded by the thought that Dennis is photographing him in an embarrassing situation? Either way I wouldn’t worry too much about it, Mr. Wilson: that’s not a phone or anything that can connect to the Internet, just some dumb old-fashioned standalone non-electronic camera. They probably don’t even make film for it anymore!

Heathcliff, 5/28/13

Man, I do not even get the deal with the Heathcliff mouse strips and cheese. It’s like, Heathcliff does weird, inscrutable things with cheese when he’s in the general proximity of mice? Because mice like eating cheese? It my experience cats really enjoy eating some delicious cheese as well, but that’s neither here nor there. Mostly what I want to say about this cartoon is that “I’m thinking of unfriending him on Facebook” should replace “Christ, what an asshole” as the default catch-all punchline for New Yorker cartoons and indeed every comic ever.

Pluggers, 5/28/13

Today’s shower scene is clearly the sexiest Pluggers to date, though the eroticism is somewhat reduced by the revelation that stingy pluggers only use shampoo on the small portion of their fur that happens to be on top of their heads.

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Gasoline Alley, 5/24/13

If I were a better person/student of the great history of the comics medium, I suppose I’d be more interested in the Slim and Walt go to the Comics Retirement Home storyline? As it is, I can only work up the energy to care about it when something truly unusual happens, like when a dapper, nightmarish pig-man wanders into the foreground of the panel, giving you a sly look that you’ll see every night for the next three to eight weeks as you desperately try to fall asleep.

Dennis the Menace, 5/24/13

“When I was a kid, we pretended we lived in violent, lawless frontier towns, where the only respite from attempting to murder each other over cattle or women came when we had to battle the last desperate remnants of the region’s indigenous population, who we were working to displace or exterminate. Now all kids care about is exploring fantastic new worlds and adding to our culture’s scientific knowledge and whatnot. It’s fucking bullshit.”

Six Chix, 5/24/13

It sure is ironic that looking to buy for something to rest on can itself be tiring, amiright? In related news, don’t ever lie down on sample beds in furniture stores, the people shopping for beds are drenched in sweat, gross gross gross

Herb and Jamaal, 5/24/13

“Uh-oh, I’d better make sure 9-1-1 is on speed dial, because it looks like Herb is finally going to put his money where his mouth is on that whole chainsaw murder spree thing he’s been talking about for months!”

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Action a-plenty in the midweek comics — let’s dive right in!

Judge Parker, 5/15/13

Ho ho, quite the little geopolitical economist our Sophie, eh? Here the economy of Niger is portrayed as a giant Ponzi scheme, substituting modern easy-to-trade firearms for old-timey low-liquidity postal reply coupons. Next step is to formalize it as a multi-level marketing enterprise, recruiting unclaimed hostages as kidnappers to build the downline and create a never-ending upward spiral of guns, hostages, and ransom money. Then fire up the sales team by giving everybody a logo t-shirt with the slogan: “Guns go ‘POW’ — ask me how!”

Spider-Man, 5/15/13

Hey Spider-Man! Take a tip from lawyer Matt Murdoch on the first rule of questioning a witness: “Don’t ask a question if you won’t like the answer.”

Mark Trail, 5/15/13

Oops.

Slylock Fox, 5/15/13

Pluggers, Jr. meets The Daily Jumble. As a plugger himself, dog-man is merely alarmed by his neighbors’ atrocious table manners. Out-of-town visitor parrot-man, on the other hand, is downright disgusted. Guy looks like he’s ready to KORF his ROPTAR all AELTP the RNCO — and that NIKAPN ain’t gonna help much.

Dennis the Menace, 5/15/13

OK, is it me, is it cartoonists, or is the Bad Girl really always the hottest in the room? And we’re talking about a room shared with Alice Mitchell, so SRSLY! Dennis, cut the crap and pay some attention here — you won’t be 5 forever.

Oh, ha ha — I forgot. You will be 5 forever. Kindly resume the crap.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/15/13

Payback time at the Morgans’. I hope Sarah has more success with her little project than June had with Rex.

— Uncle Lumpy