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Archive: Dennis the Menace

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Seeming victory to be crushed in the very literal jaws of defeat

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Marmaduke, 6/12/12

Oh, Dottie! I understand the urge to you have to revel, just for a moment, in your victory over Marmaduke, to let him know that you beat him, right before you plunge the obsidian dagger into his enormous heart and send his dark soul back to the hell-dimension from which it came. But his moments of weakness are so few and so fleeting that you can’t waste time gloating. In fact, one huge eyelid is already creaking open, meaning things are about to get very bad for you very quickly.

Dennis the Menace, 6/12/12

On the other end of the “committing violence against living things on your property” spectrum, taking out your aggression on plants has to be some of the least menacing business I can think of.

Apartment 3-G, 6/12/12

It looks like the offspring Scott implanted in Nina’s body is finally ready to burst out through her chest. Guess she was right to be freaked out about this pregnancy after all!

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The less gross of two grossnesses

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Judge Parker, 6/7/12

Man, even the hoariest of soaps still retain their ability to surprise once in a while! I mean, yes, we all could have predicted that Sam and Avery would be driving out to their impromptu rich guy fishing vacation in the most vulgar and stupid vehicle imaginable. But would anyone have guessed from the squicky interactions between Avery and Peaches that the nubile Gal Friday who’s forced to wear some kind of retro micro-mini-skirted form-fitting stewardess uniform is actually her boss’s daughter? Fun question for contemplation: would it actually be less gross if Avery weren’t Peaches actual father, with “Dad” just being some kind of icky lover’s nickname?

Archie, 6/7/12

I was going to mock the typical “Prices were lower in the past, due to the well-understood economic reality of inflation” oldsterism on display here, but then I decided that if Archie’s dad is so determinedly nostalgic that he insists on going grocery shopping in that hat, I guess I’ll let him have his fun.

Dennis the Menace, 6/7/12

Merging your ostensibly monotheistic theology with belief in various minor folk deities? Belief that Almighty God keeps track of the exchange of grubby human money like some kind of omnipotent accountant? Enh, menacing enough to pass, I guess.

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Menace Zone One

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Dennis the Menace, 5/27/12

At first glance, this cartoon might seem to take place in a post apocalyptic lull. What has wiped out all the other humans in Dennis’s neck of the woods? Plague? Zombies? Do the living dead wander the streets of Dennis’s hometown, feasting on the flesh of the living, with Dennis staying alive due only to his own cunning and menace, and keeping Joey safe to have someone to talk to? But Dennis’s statement in the final panel paints an even more chilling scenario, and explains his incessant mishcief-making. Dennis exists in an empty world that only responds to his misbehavior, summoning up shadowy figures to scold him. It is only through menace that he can provoke a response from the universe. It is only through menace that he can be saved from terrible, endless loneliness.

Mary Worth, 5/27/12

“Dawn, don’t dwell on it … if you miss this bus, you’ll catch another! You see, each young man in your life is like a bus. They’re long and hard, and they come by on a fairly regular schedule, and whenever one arrives, you can ride it for a while, though you have to respect the fact that sometimes it reaches the end of its route before you’ve reached your destination, and sometimes other people want to ride the bus too. But they’re all pretty much alike, and you need to ride as many as you can if you want to get anywhere. Wait, where are you going? Is this metaphor making you uncomfortable? I’m just talking about riding young men as if they’re buses!”

Panel from Spider-Man, 5/27/12

Would you like to see Spider-Man almost slam crotch-first into a gargoyle? Here, here’s Spider-Man almost slamming crotch-first into a gargoyle.