Post Content

Dennis the Menace, 9/22/11

Mrs. Wilson knows she needs to calm her radical anti-establishment husband down if this encounter is to end without violence. “Now, dear, you and I both know that 911 is a joke, but there’s no need to call him a pig to his face. You’ll just get tasered in the neck again, and I don’t think your heart can take it.”

Judge Parker, 9/22/11

Wow, that’s quite a large amount of cash that Sam and Abbey can just pull out of their bank account on a whim. Do you suppose that all subsequent Judge Parker storylines are going to be more and more transparently about the Spencer-Driver clan’s wealth? Will every strip in April of 2012 just consist of the two of them sitting around counting out hundred-dollar bills, pausing only to occasionally blow their noses into them?

Marvin, 9/22/11

Despite my burning and irrational hatred for Marvin, I have to admit I feel a twinge of sympathy for him in the second panel. Look at his growing sense of panic as he learns that, as his life draws to a close decades from now, even the joys of eating will elude him! Quick, someone tell him something reassuring about old age, like that he’ll finally be able to start wearing diapers again.

Spider-Man, 9/22/11

Yesterday’s post implied that Spider-Man would inspire by sick children by going to the hospital and getting arrested. In fact, he’ll inspire them by going to the hospital and telling them that being a superhero is for suckers and quitting in disgust. We regret the error.

Post Content

Pluggers, 9/12/11

Wow, thanks to the Pluggers comic for keeping me up to date on important plugger anthropological developments! If you had asked me before I saw this comic, I would have guessed that a “plugger coffeehouse” was one of those greasy-spoon diners where you can sit at a counter and a waitress will call you “hon” and fill up your mug limitlessly for a quarter. But no, all of those went out of business years ago, obviously, so pluggers just drive out to the McDonald’s on State Route 178 to drink their coffee. They may not get free refills but at least they aren’t going to menaced by any fruity poetry.

But pluggers may need to brush up on their own cultural awareness! Because, based on this comic, I’m guessing that they assume that non-plugger Americans get their java in ill-lit bohemian hideaways, where bearded Communists read slam poetry on stage while the assembled patrons snap their approval. In actuality, of course, non-pluggers get their coffee at Starbucks. Can’t we as a nation come together and bond over our love of soulless chain restaurants, even if they aren’t the same soulless chain restaurants?

Dennis the Menace, 9/12/11

So, uh, Dennis wishes his mother were some kind of pagan nature deity? This is either not menacing at all (i.e., Dennis is into twee neo-pagan spirituality, with, like, faeries and stuff) or extremely menacing (i.e., Dennis yearns for a divine lineage so that he might be imbued with God-like powers and indulge his every whim, to our terror).

Marvin, 9/12/11

Whoah, it looks like Marvin and his cat have turned to high-priced lawyers in their battle over pooping rights. Can you believe that they’ve gotten so corporate? I remember when it was about the shitting, man.

Post Content

Family Circus, 8/21/11

OBVIOUSLY there’s no child’s suffering that delights me so much as a Keane Kid’s suffering, and so I’m overjoyed to see Billy’s comically overwrought expression of crushing despair as his mother drapes that suit jacket over his shoulders. It’s as if he’s won the Masters, only instead of a green jacket he’s getting a blue jacket, and instead of winning the Masters he’s going to be executed wearing a blue jacket.

Dennis the Menace, 8/21/11

Kudos to Dennis and/or the current hired hands churning out “Hank Ketchum’s Dennis the Menace” for avoiding the obvious wordplay response to “Margaret’s goin’ places” (“Goin’ too many places, if you ask me!”) and instead heading into much creepier territory. Dennis suddenly steps into the shoes of his greatest enemy; now that he realizes that Mr. Wilson is a human being with feelings like himself, his life will never be the same. This sudden act of empathy comes with a physical manifestation: Dennis is emitting a Mr. Wilson-style single bead of sweat in the final panel, indicating a simmering, child-hating rage, though the fact that it appears to be flowing down the outside of his hair is a little confusing.

Mary Worth, 8/21/11

“I knew I had to see Bobby before I left! In my mind, I could already imagine him after our family vanished into the witness protection program, his arms raised as he begged the mob thugs hot on our trail for his life.”

Gasoline Alley, 8/21/11

Slim’s suffering still counts for this post because he’s an idiot man-child, which is a type of child, right? Anyway, I’m not sure this comic has a punchline beyond “Slim is a simpleton,” but then, it probably doesn’t really need one.