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Ziggy, 7/3/09

Good lord, now we realize why Ziggy has so many pets: so he can express his power madness by running a dictatorship, without due process! When will the oppressed animals finally rise up against their thuggish ruler? I look forward to that great day of freedom, when the Ziggy strip will vanish forever in a bloody revolt.

Dennis the Menace, 7/3/09

Well, let’s just see how non-menacing Dennis is today and OH MY GOD DID HE CRAP ALL OVER MR. WILSON’S SOAP? Too menacing! Abort! Abort!

Marmaduke, 7/3/09

“…of human corpses.“

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/28/09

I find it kind of strange that Loweezy doesn’t specify what the “big, round number” in question is. Given the poor state of health care in this isolated, rural hamlet, I’m guessing it’s 15, which is approximately middle age for the average denizen of Hootin’ Holler.

Dennis the Menace, 6/28/09

Usually saying his prayers is among the least threatening things Dennis does, but in today’s strip he appears for the most part to be praying for evil things. Presumably he’s beseeching not our loving God but his Dark Lord, Satan himself.

Family Circus, 6/28/09

Fun fact! According to the never-wrong Wikipedia, “if a film uses ‘one of the harsher sexually derived words’ (such as ‘fuck’) one to four times, it is routine today for the film to receive a PG-13 rating, provided that the word is used as an expletive and not with a sexual meaning.” In other words, Dolly, you can go ahead and drop that F-bomb on your little brother, as long as you only want to use it three more times over the remainder of your life.

Marvin, 6/28/09

We all knew that Marvin was a repugnant fountain of excrement, but who knew that he was a record-breaking fountain of excrement? I don’t usually praise the art in Marvin, but I do think Jenny’s expression has been skillfully done here. It wordlessly conveys the sense of “Huh, so it’s come to this. I thought I’d feel more pain at reaching this point, but it seems that I’m not feeling … anything at all. Probably for the best, really.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/28/09

I’m not really sure what June means by “more than try” here, nor am I sure that I want to know. “I HAVE DETERMINED THAT I HAVE REACHED THE FERTILITY OPTIMUM FOR BOY-CHILD CREATION! GIVE ME YOUR SEED AT ONCE, DR. MORGAN!”

Spider-Man, 6/28/09

Despite the implication in this week’s NEXT box, I’m hoping we follow Spidey’s path in this branching storyline, and get to see the relative money-returning skills … of a spider! “Wow, who knew there’d be so much paperwork involved?” (NEXT! Black or blue ink only!)

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Shoe, 6/17/09

The thing that most unsettles me about Shoe is of course its occasional portrayal of “sexy” lady birds, but the “goggle-eyed look of horror reaction shot” is a close second, especially since the punchlines in this strip are generally good-natured jokes about everyday life and not, say, an announcement of existential crisis. For instance, going by today’s text alone, I’d guess that this is supposed to be some wry commentary on how low the resale value is for all those expensive consumer goods we buy, and what’reyagonnado, amiright? But the way that our two characters are looking at each other in undisguised shock in the final panel implies that this sale of the Perfesser’s possessions was a last-ditch effort to raise funds that they desperately needed, and that the bad men will be coming to cut off their thumbs shortly.

Family Circus, 6/17/09

Wow, this week’s “Little Billy, Age 7” cartoons sure are extra harrowing, aren’t they? I have no idea where Big Daddy Keane’s day job is supposed to be or why Billy is there with him, but the meaning of his display of violence is fairly clear. “See what I did to the machine, when it didn’t give me the bag of Funyuns that I paid for? Well, just think of what I’m going to do to you and your sister and your idiot brother if I don’t get the [kick] God [kick] damned [kick] peace and quiet [kick] I deserve [kick] once in a while!”

Sally Forth, 6/17/09

Ah, a mother’s love! It encourages us to speak in the sweet, comforting voice of LIES. Really, Sally, if Hillary always “do[es] great” on her finals, then why, after 27 years, has she still not advanced to the sixth grade?

Dennis the Menace, 6/17/09

“So I thought you might want to stab him with this, to teach him not to shoot off his big mouth.”