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Mary Worth, 9/6/08

Dear Mary Worth,

Thank you so very much for your narration box dated 9/6/08, which read, “After hanging up the phone with her bank, Toby continues to reel in shock.” It really put a smile on my face, which is no small feat in these troubled times.

It may seem greedy to ask for more, but can you please add a similar narration box before every single one of Toby’s future appearances in this feature? For instance, after having lunch with Mary, it could say, “After having lunch with Mary, Toby continues to reel in shock.” Or, after greeting Ian on his return from work, we could get, “After kissing her husband on the cheek, Toby continues to reel in shock.” Of course, she’ll have to continue to reel in shock, but since she apparently finds basic interaction with society completely discombobulating, I don’t think this will be much of a stretch.

Your fan,
The Comics Curmudgeon

Family Circus, 9/6/08

So it’s come to this: the Family Circus characters have declared themselves to be gods. Moronic, irritating, melon-headed gods.

Dick Tracy, 9/6/08

“There’s no way the police will be able to stop me now that I have a CB radio!”

Dennis the Menace, 9/6/08

Mrs. Mitchell is looking suspiciously smug here. I’m guessing that this “picnic” is going to climax with Dennis being sold to hillbillies or fed to a bear.

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Dennis the Menace, 8/30/08

At last, I have determined what it takes to get me to laugh at Dennis the Menace: public urination.

Marmaduke, 8/30/08

Now that a new artist has taken over Marmaduke, the “I am about to devour this child” expression on his face is even more terrifying and vivid.

Pluggers, 8/30/08

Pluggers are fish-fucking perverts.

Shoe, 8/30/08

Roz’s meatloaf is mostly made of feet.

UPDATE: Cannot deal with the foobnale tonight … Sunday strips tomorrow morning.

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Blondie, 8/12/08

Yes, Dagwood, whenever we see the lithe, toned bodies of male Olympic athletes at the top of their form, their muscles rippling, their torsos dripping with man-dew … well, who doesn’t think of “hot dogs?”

Dennis the Menace, 8/12/08

“Oh, and just so you know, I’m wearing one of those anachronistic union suits for no reason that anyone can fathom, and it’s unbuttoned in the back, obviously, so you’re pretty much guaranteed to see my ass.”

Gasoline Alley, 8/12/08

In a desperate bid to hold on to its share of the ever-shrinking comics page, Gasoline Alley has decided to woo readers by dishing up hillbilly T&A. All I can say is: better here than in Snuffy Smith.

Gil Thorp, 8/12/08

This is the moment where Gil realizes that he needs to stop giving out his cell phone number to his loser students and their lame-ass parents. I’m pretty sure that he’s flying the Thorp-Plane over to the Hughes residence in order to strafe it and put an end to these irritating phone calls once and for all.