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Pluggers, 7/7/06

OK, now I’m starting to get freaked out. Twice is a coincidence, but three times is pretty damn peculiar.

For Better Or For Worse, 7/7/06

Gosh, Elizabeth, that sounds like quite a lot of things to do! But it’s understandable that you’d be so busy when you’re switching jobs and moving all at once. That can be pretty stressful. At least you have a stable relationship you can rely on for emotional support. Say, what was that first thing you said you had to do again?

Wait, I didn’t quite catch that … where are you getting your car?

Good ol’ Gordo! I wonder whose happy, smiling, perky face you’ll see at the cappuccino bar while Gordon’s looking up the prices for the undercoating?

Been nice knowing you, Paul.

Mary Worth, 7/7/06

Speaking of sad sacks with mustaches, I give you … Aldo Kelrast! Whose last name is, as many Jumble aficionados in the comments pointed out, an anagram for stalker. And whose chest hair is on proud display. This would be acceptable if he was sporting some colorful ethnic garment from the Mediterranean, but a off-red polo shirt? Squaresville.

The Phantom, 7/6-7/06

OK, I had to back up a day to show you the awesome set-up for the Big Purple Dude’s two-panel-long slapathon. He has to psych himself up, thought-balloon-style, in order to not punch someone. These two strips also showcase two of the Ghost Who Slaps’ special powers: his super-scary voice and his awesome stripey ass.

Dennis the Menace, 7/7/06

Then it’d be a Plugger library! Haw haw! OK, that was just mean.

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Dennis the Menace, 6/26/06

Here’s one for the Crappy Coloring Chronicles: does poor Ruff have mold growing in his fluffy white coat? One of the fraternities at my college had a St. Bernard that they used as a mascot but otherwise left to wander the campus unattended, and he often had something greenish and inappropriate growing in the folds of his fur, so it can happen, but Ruff is the cared for by an Eisenhower-era nuclear family unit, not twenty or so perpetually drunk and irresponsible 19-year-old layabouts. This actually reinforces my belief that the coloring of the daily comics is done in some steamy tropical locale where the wages are shockingly low and mildew grows in everything. Either that, or it’s done by robots who are wholly unfamiliar with carbon-based forms of life.

Mary Worth, 6/26/06

I know it’s really just the crappy quality of this graphic, but I’d like to believe that Mary’s eyes are rolling back in her head as she struggles to comprehend the fact that Dr. Jeff has finally managed to extract himself from her clutches. The bold-italics of that last phrase in Jeff’s word balloon implies a certain note of triumph, and the way he holds up his wine glass for a toast shows that he’s going to do this dump job in style. Mary is enjoying a glass of human blood, as is her wont.

Gasoline Alley, 6/26/06

Meanwhile, in Gasoline Alley, a small child is about to be eaten by a bear.

Six Chix, 6/26/06

In Six Chix, a proud young person punches an old woman in the face.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 6/26/06

And in TDIET, a German family is baffled by the idea that non-Germans might be of interest to anybody.

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Momma, 6/13/06

I think if Samuel Beckett were to write a comic about the meaningless empty void at the heart of a lonely, embittered old woman, it would look something like this. He’d leave out the reaction shot in the third panel, though; Momma’s depressing hobbies speak for themselves.

Dennis the Menace, 6/13/06

While appreciate the fact that Dennis is annoying Mr. Wilson with some 50 Cent or Korn or whatever the hell it is kids listen to today to annoy old people, and the fact that Joey is continuing to wear that incomprehensible pink belly shirt, I have to say that after some exhaustive research I’ve come to the conclusion that this panel contains no jokes of any kind. Ignoring for the moment the fact that nobody actually calls it “kids’ music”, the sentence is set up so that it seems like “drives grownups crazy” is supposed to be some play on words, despite the fact that it so clearly is not. Instead, Dennis is just saying “We like music that they don’t!” Mr. Wilson should punch him.

Mary Worth, 6/13/06

“I have to hand it to you Kelly! Living with a knife-wielding stab-frenzied maniac like me! I know it isn’t easy!”

Seriously, I hate to call for a savage knife attack, but it’s the only thing that would liven this up. She’s got one too — maybe they can manage to kill each other off, Hamlet-style.

Hi and Lois, 6/13/06

Note to Hi and Lois: if you draw your punchline and then have to have a character explain it, it’s probably time for a rethink.

In Finger Quotin’ Margo news, it looks like even Hollywood superstars are trying to get in on the action. Check out the video below; around the thirty second mark, you’ll see Britney Spears perpetrate the most misguided finger quotes in the history of television journalism.

(This is the first time I’ve tried to put one of these YouTube thingies on my site, so let me know if it causes something to go horribly wrong.)