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Family Circus, 8/14/21

So what’s changed in the 17 years since this panel last graced my blog? Well, for one thing, Ma Keane’s attitude on theological questions from her offspring has shifted: Back in the simpler times of the ’00s, she didn’t even bother gracing Billy’s impertinent question with an acknowledging glance, preferring to look out over God’s majestic work and let her silence be an answer; today, as kids can get more and more access to secular humanist propaganda via cable TV and TikTok, she needs to show him her steely gaze to let him know exactly what she thinks of this liberal jibber-jabber. Also, white shorts have gone out of style and blue ones come in — or, I guess since this is the Keane family we’re talking about, maybe the other way around.

Marvin, 8/14/21

Marvin is of course perfectly happy to stew in his own shit — but other people’s shit? That’s a different story.

Dennis the Menace, 8/14/21

This is the sad result of the over-emphasis on STEM subjects in primary education today.

Blondie, 8/14/21

Blondie, your favorite shoe store is going out of business, and you think that’s “great news”? Yes, you’ll get some big savings today, but try to think in the long term!

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Mark Trail, 8/12/21

Oh, uh, the “Mark parties with influencers” storyline has wrapped up, and I’m not going to describe everything that happened (it was confusing?) but there was definitely punching. Now Bill Ellis is assigning Mark to a new editor who works for a member of Woods & Wildlife’s family of trusted brands: Hot Catch’s print run ended in 2011 and now it’s a blog with six to eight mostly aggregated content items per day, but it does have a freelance budget for the stories that it knows will bring in those clicks. And the W&W audience development team has determined exactly what that magic element is: Mark punching somebody. Will Mark be punching people violating fishing conservation laws, or just punching the fish themselves?

Dennis the Menace, 8/12/21

We established years ago that Dennis has achieved at least basic literacy, which raises a lot of questions about today’s panel. Is he doing a gender-reversed version of the thing where girls pretend to be dumb so boys will like them? I leave it to you to decide if the overall terribleness of this strategy is mitigated by the menace to the patriarchy that this particular move represents.

Beetle Bailey, 8/12/21

In order for the rhythm of this interchange to work, we have to assume that General Halftrack already has that bottle of liquor in his right hand in panel one, just out of our sight. I was going to say that he was wandering around the house with the bottle, waiting for the perfect setup for him to unleash a bon mot as he poured himself a glass, but based on his well-known disdain for his wife, perhaps any interaction with her would serve as a suitable trigger.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/12/21

A couple weeks ago we learned that Grimm is dead, and being tortured eternally in hell. “But how did he die?” you probably wondered. The answer is revealed in today’s flashback strip: it’s rabies. He didn’t get his rabies shot, and then he contracted rabies, which killed him.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/8/21

ME, MERE DAYS AGO: ugh, this whole thing with Sarah is so boring, can we please move on to someone else, even Buck would be better than this

ME TODAY: oh my GOD Sarah is about to DROP SOME ANIME KNOWLEDGE ON REX, this is the greatest moment in my life

Judge Parker, 8/8/21

Oh, hey, remember when Abbey decided she wanted to open a bed and breakfast at Spencer Farms, only to discover fairly quickly that running a bed and breakfast kind of sucks? Well, not long after that, there was a worldwide pandemic that really hurt the global tourism industry and, long story short, it looks like Abbey has decided to burn the thing down for the insurance money. Sophie is really selling her anguish! Probably going over the top, but it’s a nice little performance for a witness, just in case any arson investigators come snooping around asking questions.

Dennis the Menace, 8/8/21

I like Margaret’s bemused face in the final panel. It’s like she’s finally figuring out that these boys she spends way too much time with may be kind of dumb. Better late than never, girl!