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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/10/20

Hey, everyone! Were you worried that Buck was going to be inconvenienced, even briefly, by Truck’s illness? Well, good news: he won’t be! Also, it’s very sporting of you to pretend that you actually were worried about Buck. I know for a fact that nobody is worried about Buck. Anyway, a good way to enjoy your Sunday is to imagine that Buck is saying “Autographs. Always with the autographs” the same way Martin Sheen says “Saigon. Shit, I’m still only in Saigon” in the opening scene of Apocalypse Now.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/10/20

There are a lot of Mother’s Day comics out there today that depict moms getting appreciated by their kids and partners, but that frankly isn’t the thing that satisfies my twisted reasons for reading the funny pages, so here, here’s a strip where Les calls his wife and just monologues for five panels about how everything sucks.

Dennis the Menace, 5/10/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dennis was going to kill his best friend, but now he’s just going to kill his dog!

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Dennis the Menace, 5/9/20

I guess the flavor of mence that’s supposed to be happening here is that Dennis is trying to instigate a fight between his nebbishy dad — who, I feel compelled to point out, is not only wearing a sweater vest but has tucked it into his pants — and this lumbering, pompadoured fellow with fists the size of hams. But the fact that Dennis is talking to the other kid makes it seem like he’s sending a signal, like it’s time to rise up against the Tall Ones who are unfairly suppressing the children. Look how excited the little girl in the car is! She knows! The revolution is here!

Mark Trail, 5/9/20

Oh, uh, I haven’t been keeping you up to date on what’s been going in Mark Trail, but it seems that nobody was killed in that terrible forest fire! Remember, “Glad you made it!” is a thing you can say when your coworker drops by the little party you’re throwing at your place, and also when you see some people that you were worried might have burned to death.

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Slylock Fox, 4/27/20

OK, fine, you know what, “throwing ice cubes at a parade” is an extremely low-grade crime, so I can understand why Slylock did not feel like he needed to personally follow up on the tip they got from a busybody rabbit neighbor or whatever, but: the suspect’s still a wolf, you know? A wolf who could eat Max in one very efficient bite, should he, say, catch the poor sidekick rodent attempting to open a refrigerator door that weighs easily 20 to 30 times more than he does. And yeah, I guess he’s a wolf who’s idea of sinister behavior is throwing ice cubes at a parade, but he’s also a wolf with a visible ham in the fridge who lives in a society where pigs are citizens with rights, so he might be more dangerous than you think.

Six Chix, 4/27/20

Look, it’s not secret that newspaper cartooning isn’t as lucrative as it once was. Sure, we’d like to think we have artistic integrity and all that, but if a nice man from the U.S. Poultry & Egg Association called you up one day and explained how some well-intentioned but overzealous laws about chicken living spaces are really hurting America’s family farms, then suggested a joke for a comic and floated a tidy little sum that might be sent your way upon publication, well, would you really argue that much with him? It’s a pretty good joke!

Dennis the Menace, 4/27/20

The US Postal Service — for which Mr. Wilson worked — began home delivery in 1905, so I don’t think this is true, on any level? Unless … is Mr. Wilson immortal, an eternal being kept alive over the centuries by pure grouchiness? It would explain a lot.

Gasoline Alley, 4/27/20

You know what would really help farmers out? Slavery! Child slavery.