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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/23/20

Well, it looks like Rex Morgan, M.D.’s “Lockdown Stories” isn’t going just involve Michelle tearfully being separated from her husband so she can work the COVID ward, and, uh, Rex gleefully being separated from his family so he can work in the COVID ward; we’re also getting … THE RETURN OF RENE, BABY!

Rene! You know we always want more Rene!

Remember, Rene was introduced as an amiable art teacher/former forger when Woody Wilson was writing the strip, but under current writer Terry Beatty has become a criminal mastermind, with grifts ranging from classic comics fraud to new age scam artistry. You’d think that a global pandemic wouldn’t require the services of this strip’s only actual villain to ramp up the drama, but now that he’s here I’m sure we’re going to learn he’s into some fun stuff. Will it be PPE hoarding? Hawking colloidal silver as a COVID-19 miracle cure? Did he develop the novel coronavirus in a lab specifically to make Buck’s life miserable? Can’t wait to find out!

Six Chix, 8/23/20

Note that the lady in this strip is sipping coffee or perhaps tea from her mug as she enjoys her weekend crossword, probably in the middle of the afternoon, while the dude is walking around holding a glass of wine (who even knows how many he’s had at this point), drunk and belligerent and looking to ruin somebody’s day. It’s dark!

Dennis the Menace, 8/23/20

Did you ever think about how Mr. Wilson, the gruff antagonist in the syndicated newspaper comic strip Dennis the Menace, probably has a pretty depressing life? Well, today’s Dennis the Menace would very much like you to think about it, for some reason!

Beetle Bailey, 8/23/20

Man, if exuberant and energetic displays of joy make you mad, you should probably not work in an ice cream parlor!

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Funky Winkerbean, 8/20/20

Oh no oh no oh no is Les telling Marianne about the sex stuff? I think that’s what we’re supposed to understand by the lacuna in his dialogue in the second panel? She already had to endure saying this dialogue, hasn’t she suffered enough? And is he … hitting on her? By doing this? Since Funky Winkerbean is fixated on classic Hollywood, it’ll be just like the classic Hollywood film Vertigo where Jimmy Stewart tries to remake some poor woman into his dead beloved; in Vertigo it was sad, gross, and ironic because the poor woman secretly is his dead beloved, whereas here it will just be sad and gross. Anyway, I’m really looking forward to years of strips covering Les’s divorce. “Blessed Lisa would never have left me for trying to mold an actress in her image and then have sex with her,” Les will fume silently to himself.

Mary Worth, 8/20/20

“I mean, at first I was sad about being separated from my dad, but it turns out that he’s a real asshole who just dumped me on a stranger and fled the country, so it turns out that it’s actually pretty easy for other people to be better caregivers than him!”

The Phantom, 8/20/20

Yes, Bangalla is a thriving post-colonial democracy, with a vibrant economy in which all it takes to get a good-paying job is [checks notes] a personal relationship with the head of the local government-backed paramilitary force!

Dennis the Menace, 8/20/20

Sad news: Henry Mitchell passed away peacefully in his sleep today at the age of 35. Rest in power, Henry, you’ll always be in our hearts.

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Mary Worth, 8/8/20

You gotta respect that, despite the fact that Toby is Mary’s only real friend, Mary maintains the upper hand in their relationship by keeping her in constant terror that Mary will reject her for some unforgivable transgression, like making subpar banana bread. Don’t hate me, Mary! Don’t cast me out into the outer darkness! Don’t leave me alone with nobody but Ian to talk to! Ian, for God’s sake! I couldn’t take it!

Dennis the Menace, 8/8/20

Starting with a healthy skepticism of the motivations behind the actions of powerful institutions but then veering into increasingly deranged paranoid conspiracy theories is a little on the nose for our current menacing moment, thank you very much!

Shoe, 8/8/20

“Because I and all the customers are birds. You know, animals, like you’d see in the zoo. Is there a special word for a bird-zoo? An avarium or something? Is that a thing? Anyway: birds.”