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Spider-Man, 11/20/11

“What’s shakin’, Jolly Jonah? Hope you recognize my voice through my mask.” “Parker, is that you? Why the hell are you wearing a mask?” “No, it’s Spid … uh, I, uh … [CLICK]”

I certainly hope that the “All the news that’s fit — to print…?” narration box, despite its baffling punctuation, heralds a move away from this boring “Big Boss” storyline and instead presages Jonah and Robbie arguing about how the Bugle can move into the 21st century and become a Web-centric media outlet, or at least figure out how to cut down on the costs of producing a legacy print product. “Hey, Jonah, look at these huge gutters between the panels on the comics page! We could probably fit in some more ads if we got rid of those.”

This is probably as good a time as any to let you know that J. Jonah Jameson has a Twitter (in ALL CAPS, obviously).

Mary Worth, 11/20/11

It’s really sad to see how deeply this minor-league purse snatching has shaken Mary, as asking Toby to lead you anywhere is generally a sign that you’ve lost your will to live. In panel three, though, we can see that Toby’s scarf is swiveling to always point the same direction as her head when her neck turns, which may indicate that we’re dealing with an advanced and competent robotic Toby replacement.

Dick Tracy, 11/20/11

Were you hoping that the revamped Dick Tracy would come across less like a classic gangster flick from the ’40s and more like a modern episode of Cops, full of drunken domestic disputes? Well, here you go!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/17/11

Ha ha, it’s not a real Rex Morgan plot until a formerly sympathetic character suddenly proves to be unsympathetic for no good reason! Principal Hallman has angered Summer by insisting that her daughter is a dirty little liar who goes to parties with bad boys (he is 100 percent correct about this), which leads her to bring out the heavy artillery: namely, that she knows he’s totally lying about being an Iraq War vet! Back when he first busted out his phony baloney combat story, Summer looked all sympathetic, because she thought she might want to do him; now that’s off the table, so it’s time for her to humiliate him. “It’s true!” he’ll sob. “I just found this sweet Army hat in the break room at school and started wearing it around, and then people stared asking questions, and, well, things just got out of control! I never meant for it to go this far!”

Dick Tracy, 11/17/11

Holy crap, square-jawed super-Aryan Dick Tracy spending the Festival of Lights with the Catchem clan is the greatest Hanukkah present anyone could possibly give me! I look forward to Sam lighting the menorah with his cigarette as he tells the story of the Maccabean Revolt, after which Dick will vow to hunt down Antiochus Epiphanes and pump him full of lead.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/17/11

“Especially not our pizza! It tastes like cardboard and greasy, greasy tears!”

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So ends the Fall 2011 Comics Curmudgeon Fundraiser — thank you one and all for your generosity and/or patience. GOOSETRAX will remain up into November for all your extended goose-tracking requirements, and you can check for fundraising banners you might have missed here.

Dick Tracy, 10/15/11

Dick Tracy is running a retrospective — a perfect excuse to revisit classic villains and antique themes like this “woman in peril” sequence featuring Tracy’s wife-to-be, Tess Trueheart. Why can’t we see stuff like this in other “new-old” throwback strips? I’m lookin’ at you, For Better or For Worse.

Apartment 3-G, 10/15/11

OK, Lu Ann here has parents and a torch-carrying childhood sweetheart (Cody Stiles, indistinguishable down to the neckerchief from cousin Blaze) back in South Dakota. We haven’t seen the mother lately; her relationship with her father is “complex”, but — like Lu Ann herself — only in the sense that it’s incoherent. Meanwhile, her Texas cousin Ruby seems to have forgotten that Lu Ann is no novice at this wedding business — Powers is her name from a marriage to a Vietnam-era fighter pilot who died in combat. Maybe Ruby doesn’t pay any more attention to Lu Ann than anybody else does?

Mark Trail, 10/15/11

Andy, unheard, is saying, “When Kelly Welly is the brains of your outfit, it’s time to find a new outfit.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/15/11

Her improbably-coiffed swain may have kept Kelly waiting, but like a gentleman took the time and trouble to steal a car suitable for a lady. And now: POOL PARTY!!!

Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits – a Fall Fundraiser special, part 6

Mark Trail — 3/24, 3/25, and 10/22/10

This concludes Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits — until next time. Lordy, that duck’s the size of a Cessna.

— Uncle Lumpy