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So ends the 2021 Comics Curmudgeon Summer Fundraiser! Thank you, everybody!

Mark Trail, 9/4/21

It’s charming that with Mark’s long-running Woods and Wildlife gig at an end, Rusty and Cherry act as guides to his new wilderness of freelance work, relationships, and social media. And reassuring that Cherry never, ever shows him Twitter.

Lockhorns, 9/4/21

Loretta, it’s like you haven’t been paying attention the past fifty-three years.

Gasoline Alley, 9/4/21

Oh look, it’s Boog and Aubee, scions of the dead-eyed Skinner couple, Rover and Hoogy, recapping the story of Aubee’s sylvan birth. “Aubee?”, you ask, “What kind of name is that?” Well, upon delivering her, “Chipper” Wallet, who by the way is a PHYSICIAN’S ASSISTANT, exclaimed, “Well I’ll be! You have a beautiful, healthy baby girl.” Hoogy immediately named her daughter “Aubee,” because she pays as little attention to her children as we’d like to.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/4/21

Gah, it is so on-message for a high school in Funky Winkerbean to have a teachers’ “workroom” instead of a lounge, even though we’ve never seen anybody doing anything more strenuous there than drinking coffee, nor more intellectually demanding than complaining with those mopey little half-mouths of theirs.

Anyway, the white-haired guy with the lame bon mot is Jim Kablichnik. Everybody knows somebody like Jim Kablichnik. It’s a shame, really.

Dick Tracy, 9/4/21

Now I’m no history scholar like Josh, but I’m pretty sure history will still be a thing of the past even when we get better tools to investigate it. But don’t let me rain on Ace’s parade: he’s an official cigar-smoking member of The Apparatus at last!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Dick Tracy, 9/2/21

So this guy who may or may not be “Little” Notting a.k.a Ace of Spades snuck into Apparatus HQ with a plan for world domination using Diet Smith’s Time Drone. The Apparatus can be the first to steal it! Of course that won’t do any good, since the second outfit to steal it will send it right back in time to foil the original theft!

I can’t wait for Diet Smith’s press conference to be interrupted by an endless parade of stolen Time Drones, all crashing into one another and dropping to the floor, burying Diet under an enormous pile of broken Time Drones until he cancels the presser so the first Time Drone is never introduced. At that point, of course, the whole pile of stolen drones will disappear, leaving Diet sitting alone on the floor with a busted cigar in his mouth and a stupid look on his face. That’s the way this stuff works, right?

Daddy Daze, 9/2/21

Aw, Daddy wants to make sure Angus eats his vegetables!

Baby Blues, 9/2/21

Yes, Wanda—but you’re the one who chose the mullet. And from appearances, Darryl’s still wearing it; it’s just on backwards.

And OK, I know this will be a back-to-school “Zoe runs for class president” arc, but may we please have “The Press digs into Wanda’s past” next? Please? I’m sure it’s a treasure trove of erotic depravity.

Speaking of which, did we miss the Wedding of the Century?

9 Chickweed Lane, 9/1/21 (panel)

There you go. Now on to the important stuff:

9 Chickweed Lane, 9/2/21

I guess we won’t get to see if Seth’s ex Mark is bawling his eyes out in a back pew, throwing Seth’s clothing out his apartment window, or waiting in a red Alfa Duetto just outside.

Judge Parker, 9/2/21

A pattern is emerging in Judge Parker. Once a building—Sophie’s kidnap house, Neddy’s factory, Abbey’s Bed and Breakfast— outlives its usefulness it blows up, sinks into the earth, or burns down. Cavelton urban renewal! Abbey’s just upset that the job hasn’t been properly done: it is just so damn hard to find good help these days!

Josh’s favorite Salmon Square!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Funky Winkerbean, 8/27/21

Oh wow, oh wow, not only did the actress playing Lisa have breast cancer, just like Lisa, but in a very real and meaningful way, Les Moore and Lisa’s Story saved her life, from cancer. I actually was on the fence yesterday about whether my joke about Les orgasming was in excessively poor taste, even for me, but now I have zero compunctions about saying that the world’s top scientists will be spending years studying how an anhedonic middle-aged man managed to jizz in his pants multiple times over the course of mere seconds.

Dick Tracy, 8/27/21

I was going to complain about this, but you know what? It’s fine, actually. The list of terrible things an amoral scientist who works hand in glove with America’s least restrained police force could be using chrono-viewing technology for is frankly terrifying, so I think the fact that his very first thought seems to be that his time drone can serve as a glorified metal detector is a good sign, all things considered.

Marvin, 8/27/21

Oh, are you tired of all the pissing and shitting in the syndicated comic strip Marvin? Well, has it occurred to you that if the characters weren’t pissing and shitting, they’d probably be trying to do murders? Really makes you think, doesn’t it?