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Dustin, 6/7/23

I would hesitate to ever say you have to hand it to the syndicated comic strip Dustin, but you do have to hand it to the syndicated comic strip Dustin for making even imaginary conversations both hostile and confusing. Like, the whole point is that the donut is begging Dustin’s dad to eat it, right? Like it’s talking about how much he wants it (nonsexually) and basically offering itself up to be devoured. So why would Dustin’s dad yell “So there!” rather than “You’re right!” or “Thank you!” or something? Have years of work in the legal system and/or dealing with Dustin left him unable to conceive of any interaction that isn’t at its root adversarial?

Dick Tracy, 6/7/23

I love the sweet innocence of the hiring manager here. “Oh, maybe she just forgot! Maybe she got distracted, didn’t put on shoes, and then went outside and either got in her car, which she uses her feet to operate, or maybe walked or got on a bus or subway, then walked into this building, and never at any point noticed that she didn’t have shoes on, as she was coming in for a job interview. That’s probably the most likely explanation.” Anyway, I guess I buy that if you hold “I worship Mother Earth and keep in touch with her” as a belief system, you might think you should go around barefoot, but I’m not sure why, if you think that Mother Earth can feel you through the depressing industrial carpet and the several layers of subflooring and foundation underneath this call center, throwing a comfy pair of Keds into the mix would really make all that much difference.

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Slylock Fox, 5/15/23

I genuinely love the contrast in Max and Sly’s affect here, in line with the tale spun by the mystery. Max is just in the midst of a full-on meltdown, no doubt envisioning these deadly drones emerging silently from the rocket in orbit and heading implacably towards the Animal Kingdom’s vital satellite infrastructure. Sly, meanwhile, is idly contemplating how far Count Weirdly, a known genius who invented a time machine, has fallen if he thinks he can use PROPELLORS to fly in SPACE. It’s sad, really, and if he was driven to incompetent madness by Slylock’s own incessant persecution, well, maybe the fox detective feels a sting of regret. (Slylock isn’t even bothering to calm Max, in the mistaken belief that if he lets this unfounded panic attack run its course, his mouse assistant might decide that he should try learning some basic science facts once in a while.)

Dustin, 5/15/23

No, Dustin, this is good news! I can think of fewer acts better calculated to win back your terrible father’s love than scabbing!

Hi and Lois, 5/15/23

Ha ha, women! So eager to not kill things, amiright folks? Anyway, this comic doesn’t include a “joke” per se, as near as I can tell.

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Dustin, 5/1/23

A truly incredible thing to keep in mind about Dustin is that it’s a comic that debuted in January 2010, when, in the aftermath of the global financial crisis, unemployment was higher than it had been at any time since the Great Depression, and its whole deal was that college grads who had to move home because they couldn’t find jobs were just lazy, entitled brats whose problems were entirely a product of their bad character. It’s really only today, with joblessness at historic lows, that the times have caught up with the strip’s premise, although now the economic big brains are loudly proclaiming that we need more unemployment in order to fight inflation, so maybe Dustin needs to start arguing that actually, by being unemployable, he’s helping in macroeconomic terms.

Hi and Lois, 5/1/23

In other generational warfare news, Hi is a white-collar suburban dad in a legacy comic strip so he feels like he should be a Boomer, but based on the age of his kids he’s probably in his mid-to-late 40s, and, you know what, usually us Gen Xers are just glad to be noticed, but I’m sorry, I will not sit here and be lectured to by Chip fucking Flagston of all people.

The Lockhorns, 5/1/23

You ever have an older relative that you remember always “taking a nap on the couch” during family functions when you were a kid, and you only realized later probably hated big gatherings in their house and self-medicated by getting drunk? Well, in unrelated news, Leroy has “run out of gas” during Loretta’s attempt to share a pleasant afternoon with him.

Dick Tracy, 5/1/23

This sounds like a great way for the Red Cross to destroy its role as a neutral aid organization and ensure that no government ever gave them access to POWs ever again! On the other hand, do we know for sure they didn’t do this for Axis POWs too? Maybe they were just opposed to the idea of holding prisoners of war in general.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/1/23

“This is Rex Morgan, M.D., for pete’s sake! Do you realize that something interesting briefly happened? Unacceptable!”