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Archive: Family Circus

95

What’s next, CRANBERRY SAUCE out of CAN?????

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Mary Worth, 11/21/24

This whole week has been about everyone (“everyone” being Toby and Dawn, admittedly) getting jazzed as hell about Thanksgiving, because Mary will be doing her famous home cooking for them, as is tradition now, apparently. Just like she did for Ed and Estelle’s wedding! Except today we’re learning that in fact that was a web of lies; Mary simply went to Off-Brand Costco, bought a shrimp tray, poured a can of shrimp cocktail into a mason jar next to it, and called it a day! She refused to rotisserie that chicken for the taquitos herself, but rather purchased one pre-rotisseried! What kind of “traditionalist” is she? Is just going to throw down a stack of freshly microwaved Hungry-Man® turkey dinners on the table next Thursday and dare anyone to argue about it?

Family Circus, 11/21/24

Oh, can Jeffy not play hide and seek because he can’t count? Well, then why was he playing hide and seek in this very strip mere weeks ago???? Finally, we have caught the Family Circus in a vile lie so blatant and hypocritical that it will have no choice but to cease publication forever. We did it, everbody! We got them!

Gearhead Gertie, 11/21/24

We’ve all had some fun with Gertie’s NASCAR monomania over the last … actually, I don’t know how long it’s been published, because it doesn’t have a Wikipedia article, which, you know, fair! It probably doesn’t deserve one! I don’t fall into the “deletionist” Wikipedia philosophical camp necessarily but I don’t think a Gearhead Gertie article is necessary, as convenient as it would’ve been for me to refer to it for this post. Point is, though, it’s been a while, and there’s only so much material we can get out of “Gertie sure loves NASCAR,” so it makes sense that the strip is actually pivoting towards “Gertie’s husband sure hates how much Gertie loves NASCAR, like you can tell it’s destroying their marriage and every day he dies a little bit more inside, but she she can’t see it.”

95

One-panel Wednesday

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Hagar the Horrible, 11/6/24

Not really sure what to make of the wordbuilding behind this one. Are we meant to believe that a wily group of forest Finns are seeking to ambush Hagar and his warband, whose latest raiding expedition is traveling into unfamiliar territory? Or is this literally a region where bears have evolved intelligence and rudimentary forms of performance, and their wiles are about to lure the gang to either an untimely death or a truly disturbing sexual awakening? At any rate, if these guys miss Paris so much, I guess they shouldn’t have burned it down.

Dennis the Menace, 11/6/24

Based on the looks the Wilsons are exchanging, this is the beginning of some kind of sexual roleplay. “You paid for the hat, is there anything I can do for you in return?” “Well, maybe…” Presumably the reason George is always so pissed at Dennis’s constant presence is because it cramps their erotic style, whereas Martha actually likes the fact that they need to speak in code, it makes the whole thing more thrilling to her.

Family Circus, 11/6/24

It’s because he’s very stupid, OK? It’s probably not going to help but if you have any better ideas I’d sure like to hear them!!!!

126

Bench II: Return to the Bench

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Beetle Bailey, 11/3/24

Every once in a while, you do have to wonder how much anyone at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC knows about the actual U.S. military and how it works. Like, do you think that they’re vaguely aware that’s there’s a football team called “Army,” but don’t know that it’s the college team fielded by the U.S. Military Academy and assume instead that its players are just, like, enlisted men chosen at random? Anyway, today our Camp Swampy heroes are playing against a team [squints at helmets] comprised of literal pirates, or maybe representing Death itself.

Family Circus, 11/3/24

Say what you will about today’s Tiktok-addled children, but they would not get distracted from a wholesome family game by some dumb hobo clown on TV and then sit there watching him enraptured for a full minute. Kids simply don’t have that kind of attention span anymore.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/3/24

Noooo, Wanda, be careful, Truck is trying to pull you into his bench sitting based lifestyle, don’t fall for it