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Spider-Man, 6/30/13

Sadly, Crankshaft’s plane ride is now over, but, if today’s narration box is any indication, I think we’ve got a solid week or more of Peter Parker suffering various airplane-related indignities to look forward to! First up: airport security.

Family Circus, 6/30/13

Oh my goodness, that look on Ma Keane’s face is everything. “Is anyone looking? I could just … I could walk away, right now. Nobody would know. I’d be out of the county in an hour. Two states away by nightfall. I could eat this whole ice cream cone, take as long as I wanted. I could keep buying ice cream cones every time I got off the highway. They’d be mine. They’d all be mine.”

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/30/13

“One minute she was standing before me, a living human being, and the next Sarah had turned her into a pile of unfeeling glop that she scooped up triumphantly in her little fists! It was the most terrifying thing I’d ever seen. Wait, can … can she hear us? Oh God don’t let her hear us“

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Family Circus, 6/11/13

Hey, everyone, grown-up Keane Kid Jeff Keane is once again pretending to be his older brother Glen’s in-panel avatar Billy filling in for his deceased father, who we’re pretending is still in charge of drawing the strip. Got it? Anyway, this hall-of-mirrors meta-version of Billy is gracing us with illustrated puns this week, and it’s only Tuesday and we’ve already reached ULTIMATE NIGHTMARE LEVEL. Ha ha, look, it’s a majestic lion, king of beasts, lying dead, the vague odor of rot already beginning to waft up from him. A horrifyingly cheerful Big Daddy Keane stands only inches away and pelts the corpse with bloody chunks of meat. I mean, I guess if you’ve already decided that “meat” as a transitive verb means “hurl raw steak at,” why not go all the way into horror, you know?

Better Half, 6/11/13

Speaking of rotting meat, it sounds like Stanley’s past his due date, and will be dead soon! Maybe he’s already putrefying from within? I was going to say that there has to be a sexier set-up for noticing something on your spouse’s naked body than “checking each other for suspicious moles,” but considering Harriet’s husband is a walking semi-corpse, who can blame her here.

Heathcliff, 6/11/13

I guess I would judge a seafood restaurant’s quality not only by the number of cats it attracts, but also by its ability and determination to keep said cats out of the dining areas? Anyway, behind that middle door there’s just a room full of sand and cat shit, FYI.

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B.C., 6/5/13

So vultures are creepy because we associate them with death, right? Like, they only show up when someone or something is dying, and then they feast on its corpse. We find this horrifying and repugnant! So wouldn’t it be even more horrifying and repugnant if the vulture actually killed a living being in order to leave it in a state that the vulture found palatable to eat? Possibly by using a weapon of some sort it designed specifically for that purpose? How gruesome! That was probably the thinking behind the joke in this strip, and then whoever came up with that joke probably went somewhere and enjoyed a sandwich filled with meat sliced from an animal that wasn’t alive, how could you think about eating a living animal, that’s disgusting.

Speaking of the awful stench of death, it’s a good thing I can’t tell the barely distinguishable cavemen of B.C. apart, because otherwise I might feel more of an emotional attachment to whoever it is who’s suffering a slow, agonizing death from exposure in the first panel.

Family Circus, 6/5/13

At last, PJ’s training is complete! Soon he’ll face off against other competitors in the 25-to-35-pound weight division in … THE BABY OCTOGON.