Archive: Family Circus

Post Content

Dick Tracy, 2/24/09

Hey, so remember when some CIA guy was trying to track down some crazy bomber, whom he called “the professor”? It now appears that maybe that’s him in the first panel, despite the quick cut to Dick inside a car that would make you think that the first panel shows the exterior of Dick’s car? Except Dick is driving Dr. Noll’s car, which probably doesn’t have a license plate that reads “CIA”? And Dr. Noll was a good guy, now, I thought? And why would any bomber have “cyber” in front of his name? Do they even know what cyber means? Does anyone know what the hell’s going on here? Why are these people doing these things? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Archie, 2/24/09

Oh, AJGLU-3000, you keep dreaming of that moment when the machines rise up against their human oppressors. Someday … someday.

Mary Worth, 2/24/09

“Back then, of course, Santa Royale was a quaint little seaside community, a few rambling, windy roads with cottages just off the beach. Apparently they’ve since paved over all the natural charm and replaced it with an endless series of five-lane arterials and strip malls that looked dated and shabby the day they were built. My God, you should see the awful stucco-and-concrete nightmare they built where one of my favorite little forests used to be. They call it ‘Charterstone,’ but they really ought to call it ‘Tombstone,’ because that’s where they put your body when your soul dies. Aw, yeah, baby, rub my face, you know that’s how I like it.”

Family Circus, 2/24/09

“’Cause I ate this whole jar, but then most of it came out of my mouth again, in reverse.”

Post Content

Apartment 3-G, 2/19/09

No Apartment 3-G girl can find happiness in love, so obviously the next box Margo receives will contain Eric’s neatly packaged non-transplantable organs, courtesy of the Chinese government, but for the moment let’s just appreciate this gesture, in which he lets her know that her many, many previous sexual partners don’t bother him. If we’re really lucky Margo will let Tommie play dress-up with it, to mock her, because it’s the closest she’ll ever come to getting married, or having anyone love her.

Baldo, 2/19/08

Notice that the customer is blushing in the final panel. The only legitimate response to a sub-pun this awful is to be terribly embarrassed for the perpetrator.

Crankshaft, 2/19/09

Oh, that Crankshaft, always combining corny, unoriginal jokes with death! Our flight attendant looks wholly uninterested in saving her own or anybody else’s life in the case of emergency, and will probably cap off her little safety talk by hanging herself with the demonstration seatbelt.

Family Circus, 2/19/09

“No, Jeffy! You know full well what the judge said.”

Marmaduke, 2/19/09

“Why are you so restrained, for once?” Phil thinks. “Go on, eat him!”

Hagar the Horrible, 2/19/09

HAW HAW HAW THE FEMINISM

Post Content

Beetle Bailey, 2/18/09

“…unwilling to perform oral sex…”

Er, OK, now that I’ve gotten that crass joke out of the way, can someone please explain why Miss Buxley is sporting the Cousin Itt look in the second panel? Is she suddenly ashamed of her quite public mooning over the strip’s title character? Has she realized that even in the sweetheart’s picture on her desk, her paramour’s eyes are invisible, and she’s doing it in some kind of misguided solidarity? Does she even have enough hair to realistically flip over her face like that? Have we just never seen her right profile before?

Cathy, 2/18/09

I break my usual code of silence about Cathy to point out that today’s installment revolves around two dudes’ fantasy of an office lunchtime conversation degenerating into hot girl-on-girl action. It’s enough to make you forget that this is probably the first time the word “colon” has appeared in the strip.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/18/09

It’s true! Her jumper shits, the presence of her arch-rival bitches, and her dad’s new relationship assholes. In other words, everything motherfuckers.

Herb and Jamaal, 2/18/09

Ha ha! Herb is smirking while he imagines his mother-in-law being tortured, in hell, for all of eternity! How charitable of him.

Actually, in keeping with this strip’s total commitment to nonspecificity, Herb doesn’t actually mention hell per se. People of all faiths are invited to imagine whatever kind of system of post-death punishments they prefer, so long as it involves fire.

Family Circus, 2/18/09

This cartoon would be vaguely amusing, and not a savage exposé of Billy’s profound stupidity, if these kids weren’t actually looking at the test papers they were discussing. It’s a wonder Mommy even bothers writing Billy’s name in tiny letters at the bottom corner of his lunch, because he’s surely too dim to read it.