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Curtis, 12/7/06

I make fun of Curtis a lot, but it’s definitely a strip that I’ve come to like more over the course of doing this blog. Yes, it’s got a set stable of jokes that it trots out over and over; but some of them never get old, and one of them is the “Barry wets the bed” gag. You’ll notice that his whining, mewling response to Curtis’s jibe isn’t exactly dispelling the notion.

On another note, I have absolutely no idea what role Moses could be playing in the school’s Christmas play. Perhaps in a bid for inclusiveness, all major religious leaders will be portrayed at the birth of the baby Jesus, including Moses, Muhammad, Buddha, Ganesha, Bahá’u’lláh, and L. Ron Hubbard (who will be played by “Onion”).

Family Circus, 12/7/06

Oh my God, look at that waist: Big Daddy Keane’s battle with anorexia marches grimly forward. I’m looking forward to the coming movie on the Lifetime Network, entitled Why Won’t Daddy Eat?

Anorexia is a serious condition with a host of psychological and physiological aspects, but it doesn’t provide an excuse for those pants.

Gil Thorp, 12/7/06

You know, once-mediocre athletes who lose parts of limbs in tragic chainsaw accidents have a lot to teach us about sports — and about life. For instance, Bill Ritter has taught us that the best way to enjoy a Gil Thorp football game is with massive amounts of morphine running through your bloodstream. Milford may have lost the game, but Bill is a real champion!

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The Phantom, 12/4/06

Today the Phantom gives you what in the business world they call the “value add”. See, any two-bit superhero can give you explosions and fisticuffs and gunplay and what-not; but with the Big Purple Guy, we stick around to see what happens after the climax. Thrill as the Ghost-Who-Hopefully-Isn’t-Getting-A-Paper-Cut idly rifles through the Doorman’s files! Marvel as he and the freed slaves stand around making idle, awkward small talk waiting for the cops to show up! Look on in wonder as the Phantom gives his cell number and e-mail address to the assembled servants so that they can use him as a reference on their resumes! You’ll pay for the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge!

Beetle Bailey, 12/4/06

You may think that keeping the soldiers at Camp Swampy pumped full of Wellbutrin isn’t the best way to run a military, but if they can’t ever feel any negative emotions, they’ll presumably obey any order, no matter how atrocious, and cheerfully roll forward as an army of smiling, glassy-eyed, remorseless and conscienceless killing machines. One hopes that General Halftrack got personal approval from the Secretary of the Army Francis J. Harvey before engaging in his sinister psychopharmaceutical experiments on his hapless subordinates.

Judge Parker, 12/4/06

So, Eduardo Barreto’s been handling the Judge Parker art for several months now, and I’m still a fan, but he does seem to shift styles every once in a while, which can be a little unsettling. I guess if the history of soap opera comics is any guide, he’s going to be drawing this for the next seventy years, so he’s entitled to do a little experimenting in the beginning of his reign. Things did suddenly get a lot less shady and more stylized this week. Panel two illustrates the major artistic dilemma for anyone drawing Judge Parker — can you make Sam Driver and Randy Parker look like different people? Today, it’s all about the part in Sam’s hair.

The Family Circus, 12/4/06

Oh please oh please oh please.

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Monday and Tuesday comics coming later today, I swear, but to tide you over, I present some troubling evidence sent to me by readers.

First off, faithful reader David was alerted to troubling doings in Mark Trail by co-worker Joe Krocheski. No, I’m not talking about poaching, bear abuse, or wandering beavers; it’s much more sinister than that. Here’s the November 15 and 27 strips:

And I thought it was just the plot that was giving me deja vu.

Then there’s the e-mail I got from faithful reader Daijinryuu in regard to Sunday’s Family Circus:

Just within the last week, I stumbled upon a rather horrible, crazy-beyond-the-telling-of-it manga called “The Family Zoo,” which shares rather … striking similarities to this. Dad is an elephant, Mom is a giraffe, the two brothers are a monkey and a lion respectively. The only thing different is that the daughter is being portrayed as an ostrich instead of a snake. Also, Grandpa’s a toilet. It involves bestial incest and, um, toilet use.

He provided the link to download it, which I provide to you, but WARNING WARNING WARNING: it’s really really gross, with the pooing and the coprophagia and the incest and the lion penises and the hey hey. But if you want to appreciate the link-up with the Family Circus, here ya go. Faithful reader Sincere also posted a link in the comments to one of yesterday’s posts, but Daijinryuu pointed it out to me first (not that it’s a race or anything).