Family Circus, 9/17/04
OK, so, there’s the harmonica, see …
And, um, it’ll be on the cell phone … cell phones are annoying…
And Jeffy can’t really play the harmonica (I guess that’s why the “try” bit is in there) …
And that’s funny because …
Aw, hell, I admit. I don’t get it. You win this time Bil Keane. This time.
Family Circus, 9/11/04
The emasculation of the young American male proceeds apace in this installment of the Family Circus. First, Billy, his hand in the form of a fake gun, cheerfully sprays hot lead in the general direction of his beloved little brother. But once that ball-crusher Mom, with her short, modern, “career woman” haircut, comes onto the scene, our little hellion is reduced to morosely downgrading his fantasy to a harmless squirt-gun fight. (Presumably pretending to shoot a gun is verboten, but pretending to shoot a pretend gun is P.C. enough to pass muster.) Mom may be happy, but we only need to look into the sad faces of Billy and Jeffy (it’s fun to get shot at!) to know that an essential bit of boyhood has been lost, and the encroaching feminization of our once-proud nation is unstoppable. As the piece de resistance, the crudely hand-drawn date in the lower left is there as a stark reminder of what fate awaits a civilization of gun-eschewing girlie men. Bil Keane: a lone voice of manly strength in a corrupt and decadent world.
Incidentally, when I went to the Family Circus Web site to download this cartoon, I received an error message that read “The page cannot be displayed: There are too many people accessing the Web site at this time.” The idea of this site being overwhelmed by traffic is so laughable that, well, it made me laugh.
The Family Circus, 7/24/04
The culture war for the soul of America rages on in The Family Circus. Who are you going to believe, Billy — Mommy, or the secular humanist park ranger who’s no doubt determined to undermine your family’s most cherished beliefs? That ranger was probably appointed under Bill Clinton’s watch anyway. You can get the real scoop from the park bookstore if you’ve had enough of the Park Service’s so-called “science.”
Today’s fun Family Circus fact: did you know that in Latin, the word circus originally just meant circle? The Romans also used it to describe the circular arenas where horse-racing, beast-fighting, and gladiatorial combat took place, which is where we get our meaning of the word from. So, you see, the name of the cartoon is in fact a bilingual pun, since the panel is always circular. Pretty clever, huh?
The Roman arena is also where many early Christians were sent to their death, so maybe there’s some symbolism there. These martyrs were massacred — just like Billy, Dolly, and Jeffy massacre the English language! OK, I’ll stop.
Incidentally, my friend Dalton has uncovered a vast conspiracy involving The Family Circus and Amazon.com. Click on the link to find out more — but prepare yourself emotionally for what you’ll learn!