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Archive: Family Circus

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“Maybe we shouldn’t be bringing them to church, actually,” the Keane parents are thinking

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Crankshaft, 11/13/21

In one of the more jarring bits of Funkyverse visual shorthand, traditionally panels that are supposed to be flashbacks are depicted in sepia tones with corner tabs, as if they were in an old-timey photo album. This was true whether the action in question was supposed to be taking years before the main narrative or only weeks; today we keep the coloring but lose the corner tabs, so I guess this is supposed to represent a sepia-style Instagram filter or something. Anyway, remember those crazy days of March and April of 2020, when we were desperately trying not to shit? Crankshaft does! Maybe we just don’t usually seem him in profile, but in that second panel he’s looking much portlier than usual, and given the context I really don’t want to think about the implications.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/13/21

Speaking of the good old days, remember just a few weeks ago when we thought all these people might get blown up? Sadly, some guy we barely had time to get to know and dislike got blown up instead, so now instead of seeing Rex and June wading through a sea of carnage to use their medical skills to help the survivors get the hell out of dodge, we have to watch whatever this is happen instead.

Family Circus, 11/13/21

“And alone! You’re going to die in your messy room alone.”

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Friday quickies

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Beetle Bailey, 11/12/21

Plato is exactly the kind of dork who would try to pull off the “the most erotic organ of all is the brain” thing, but declaring that he’s about to read erotic fiction and jerk off his cerebral cortex right here in front of everybody is a bridge too far.

Family Circus, 11/12/21

Meanwhile, Billy is claiming to have some kind of terrible amoeboid brain parasite in a last ditch effort to avoid the consequences of just being kind of dumb.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/12/21

Here’s today’s Mother Goose and Grimm! It’s about some dogs that are about to piss on another dog’s tongue.

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She might need to eventually get even more “on the nose” and bop him on his actual nose

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Beetle Bailey, 11/10/21

Wow, is it up to me now to be the guardian of Beetle Bailey lore? I guess it is, so here’s my gripe: this is absolutely not a Zero gag. Zero’s gags are about being stupid and being a farm boy. This one might be good for Rocky (anti-authority), Killer (opportunity to dress “sexy” for the ladies), or even Beetle (general slovenliness). On the other hand, if Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC truly thinks only morons would want to have casual Friday in their workplace, that summons up the image of them all coming in to the office to churn out Hi and Lois in suits and ties, which is pretty funny in and of itself.

Mary Worth, 11/10/21

Hmm, I’m going to go ahead and declare Estelle’s choice of TSwift for her response song as “basic.” Could’ve been bolder, but, you know what, it’s appropriate, and with Wilbur you need to be as on the nose and direct as possible, so I’ll allow it.

Family Circus, 11/10/21

This is why you don’t let books with non-biblical worldviews inside the Keane Kompound. Look at that dinosaur’s sexy sneer! No storks are necessary here: that dinosaur definitely fucks.