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Dick Tracy, 12/19/18

“Someone has to pay! And it will be either a high diver or the general manager of the local Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum! Fate has intervened!”

Meanwhile over at The Dail[y…], some enraged managing editor is walking around waving this morning’s paper in the air. “Just two stories and one photo on the front page of the Entertainment section?” he shouts, livid. “A banner headline that only goes across three columns? Someone has to pay!”

Judge Parker, 12/19/18

I love the looks of delight on Judge Parker Senior and Katherine’s face as they open the extremely expensive gift that someone just left in their house. It’s a pair of gorgeous baubles, just for them, fallen as if from heaven, which they clearly feel they deserve! But wait, what’s that note? Are there possibly … consequences to this? Strings attached? NOOOOOOO, THIS IS A NIGHTMARE

Mary Worth, 12/19/18

Wait a minute … wait a damn minute … is the Cameron who’s going to be tempted by another in this storyline … Ian? Is this perfectly nice looking young woman going to throw herself at an unpleasant chinbearded academic blowhard, while Toby, toned and constantly lounging about in athleisurewear, remains un-flirted with? This will not stand.

Family Circus, 12/19/18

A spectre is haunting the Keane Kompound … the spectre … of Santa.

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Gil Thorp, 12/14/18

Yesssss, some mysterious character is in fact taunting the Milford athletic department via billboards, just like those guys in Buffalo, or, less relevantly but I suppose more at the top of the collective cultural consciousness, Frances McDormand’s character in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. Given the outsized importance high school athletics holds in the Greater Milford Micropolitan Area, it’s wholly appropriate that our antagonist here beholds his work like a cackling supervillain unveiling his doomsday device.

Family Circus, 12/14/18

Jeffy thought that once he had killed Santa, the shackles of “nice” and “naughty” that had defined his life were broken forever. But there was one thing he hadn’t reckoned with: Santa’s ghost.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/14/18

The Minutes Will Feel Like Hours™: That’s the Rex Morgan, M.D.,® promise!

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Gasoline Alley, 11/21/18

Gosh, it’s been [checks notes] six weeks since I’ve updated you on the endless, onanistic celebration of the 100th anniversary of Gasoline Alley, which for the record is still ongoing, but let me assure that nothing of any real interest has happened in all that time, a trend that continues more or less today. A seeming eternity ago (though it was probably only a few days or something, I am not going to look it up for the sake of this joke, I do not believe that it’s worth it on any level) the action got hijacked by Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, furious that their upcoming 100th anniversary was being ignored, and today, in this possibly non-canon episode, we finally learn from Snuffy exactly what the Code of the Hills entails: immediately responding to anything that might be interpreted as even a minor slight to your honor by shooting your antagonist in the head.

Family Circus, 11/21/18

Ha ha, it’s funny because Ma Keane is so, so lonely! Normally when I do the “Ha ha, it’s funny because…” bit on this site, I’m deliberately reading against the grain of the intended joke, or at least exaggerating it, but “it’s funny because Ma Keane is so, so lonely” is 100% what the punchline is supposed to convey here. It’s real dark!