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Gasoline Alley, 12/16/24

So the whole point of these uncanny children going to space in the first place was so that they could write a school report about the solar system, and despite the fact that they almost died out there and had to be rescued by their evil talking doll, they didn’t even bother applying the awesome knowledge they acquired first hand to their assignment and just had an AI write it. And it did a shitty job! Which they should’ve known it would do, because it was the thing that almost got them killed in space in the first place, due to its incompetence! And yeah, sure, writing a report for elementary school is a lot easier than navigating an interplanetary craft, but I’m sorry, if a machine comes close to killing me, I stop using that machine, even for lower-stakes stuff. I’m not going to say these kids deserved to die on the cold surface of Mars, but they definitely deserve bad grades on those papers.

Family Circus, 12/16/24

The joke here, I guess, is that Daddy has forced Jeffy to say this to a hapless mall Santa because he wants to set Jeffy’s own expectations correctly, but look at that face. That’s a guy who still Believes. “C’mon, Santa,” he’s thinking, “don’t fuck this up for me this year.”

Alice, 12/16/24

Uh, gee, Alice, do you think there’s an alien base on the moon? Alice’s boyfriend (?)’s attitude towards Alice (the character) really represents the reader’s position vis-a-vis Alice (the comic strip) here: Asking neutral questions, not making direct eye contact, sitting very still, hoping for the best.

Pluggers, 12/16/24

“Pluggers don’t wear gloves outside in Minnesota in December” is I think the point where we start doing wellness checks on the pluggers in our lives. Don’t wait until they end up in the hospital getting their fingers amputated!

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Mary Worth, 11/21/24

This whole week has been about everyone (“everyone” being Toby and Dawn, admittedly) getting jazzed as hell about Thanksgiving, because Mary will be doing her famous home cooking for them, as is tradition now, apparently. Just like she did for Ed and Estelle’s wedding! Except today we’re learning that in fact that was a web of lies; Mary simply went to Off-Brand Costco, bought a shrimp tray, poured a can of shrimp cocktail into a mason jar next to it, and called it a day! She refused to rotisserie that chicken for the taquitos herself, but rather purchased one pre-rotisseried! What kind of “traditionalist” is she? Is just going to throw down a stack of freshly microwaved Hungry-Man® turkey dinners on the table next Thursday and dare anyone to argue about it?

Family Circus, 11/21/24

Oh, can Jeffy not play hide and seek because he can’t count? Well, then why was he playing hide and seek in this very strip mere weeks ago???? Finally, we have caught the Family Circus in a vile lie so blatant and hypocritical that it will have no choice but to cease publication forever. We did it, everbody! We got them!

Gearhead Gertie, 11/21/24

We’ve all had some fun with Gertie’s NASCAR monomania over the last … actually, I don’t know how long it’s been published, because it doesn’t have a Wikipedia article, which, you know, fair! It probably doesn’t deserve one! I don’t fall into the “deletionist” Wikipedia philosophical camp necessarily but I don’t think a Gearhead Gertie article is necessary, as convenient as it would’ve been for me to refer to it for this post. Point is, though, it’s been a while, and there’s only so much material we can get out of “Gertie sure loves NASCAR,” so it makes sense that the strip is actually pivoting towards “Gertie’s husband sure hates how much Gertie loves NASCAR, like you can tell it’s destroying their marriage and every day he dies a little bit more inside, but she she can’t see it.”

UPDATE: God bless you, “Gertie Fan,” aka Dclemens1971, for your Wikipedia service!

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Hagar the Horrible, 11/6/24

Not really sure what to make of the wordbuilding behind this one. Are we meant to believe that a wily group of forest Finns are seeking to ambush Hagar and his warband, whose latest raiding expedition is traveling into unfamiliar territory? Or is this literally a region where bears have evolved intelligence and rudimentary forms of performance, and their wiles are about to lure the gang to either an untimely death or a truly disturbing sexual awakening? At any rate, if these guys miss Paris so much, I guess they shouldn’t have burned it down.

Dennis the Menace, 11/6/24

Based on the looks the Wilsons are exchanging, this is the beginning of some kind of sexual roleplay. “You paid for the hat, is there anything I can do for you in return?” “Well, maybe…” Presumably the reason George is always so pissed at Dennis’s constant presence is because it cramps their erotic style, whereas Martha actually likes the fact that they need to speak in code, it makes the whole thing more thrilling to her.

Family Circus, 11/6/24

It’s because he’s very stupid, OK? It’s probably not going to help but if you have any better ideas I’d sure like to hear them!!!!