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Funky Winkerbean, 10/3/17

Oh, say, what’s going on with Les and his trilogy of graphic novels about his dead wife? Well, it seems he’s descended into cultish madness, seeing himself as the Prophet of some mysterious God (cancer?) and determined to lead his reader-flock to the land that God has promised them (death?). Jokes on everyone else, though, because we all know that Moses never made it to the promised land! Les will just be sitting by the River Jordan (the entrance to the oncology department?) watching everyone else pass through, and presumably writing maudlin comic books about them.

Family Circus, 10/3/17

There’s a lot of things to unpack here, but let’s just start with the fact that PJ is literally a baby and can hardly be said to have any “habits” to break. The more troubling truth is that the Keane Kompound has descended in anarchy and a neglected PJ is lashing violently out at everyone, even the religious leaders who have come to try to broker peace — and yet, due to a congenital family condition, Billy can only report this terrible state of affairs via cute wordplay.

Spider-Man, 10/3/17

“Old friend — get it? You’re thousands of years old and you’re going to crumble to dust soon! Ha ha! The friend part isn’t true, I actually don’t like you very much.”

Mary Worth, 10/3/17

Don’t listen to her Wilbur, give us every hot Latin detail, especially the sexual ones

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Six Chix, 9/24/17

This comic is like one of those ambiguous Gestalt pictures from Psych 101 — how you interpret it depends on where you focus.

Concentrate on the pavement crack that disappears in the lower panels, and the horrifying Cyclops-girl somehow “poings” all the concrete back into place, trapping the pavement worker’s jackhammer, and he struggles to release it. But focus on the resemblance between the jackhammer and the pogo stick, and the worker suddenly realizes that tedious work with a noisy tool has replaced carefree play with a favorite toy, and he cries for his lost childhood.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/24/17

Funky prepares a Thermos® of coffee to take on his run but leaves it at home. Now Runner’s World seems to favor drinking coffee before a run, but I’ve never heard of anybody drinking it during one. And out of a Thermos®? He’s not wearing a backpack; how did he plan to carry it? How would he drink out of it, anyway — wouldn’t he have to stop, pull it out, and open it to fill his cup? And wouldn’t most of it spill out once he started running again? Maybe that’s the plan, to bring coffee along so he has an excuse to stop every once in a while? He might need to stop a lot, since he has prostate problems and probably needs to pee pretty often. Maybe all that’s wrong and he drank his coffee at home before his run, but out of a Thermos® instead of a mug? But why would anybody do that when there’s a set of drinking glasses right there? Wait, why is there a set of drinking glasses next to the coffee maker?

Why are the throwaway panels on the bottom this week?

Lockhorns, (panel) 9/24/17

I would’ve gone with A Rake’s Progress, but OK. What’s the conflict here? Border dispute? Feud between the Binner and Bagger clans? Mulch ado about nothing?

That’s it for me — thank you for a lovely time!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Gasoline Alley, 9/19/17

Love-sick Rufus done got lost in the funnies! But his contract done restricted his wanderings to the premium content offerings from the Tribune Content Agency, LLC! Alas, it’s too late for him to woo Brenda Starr on the rebound, or hit the road with Annie. But maybe he’ll turn up as the twelfth Mudlark on field in Gil Thorp? As a lovable man-goat in Pluggers? Stark naked in Love Is?

Funky Winkerbean, 9/19/17

Hey it’s Funky Winkerbean, beloved product of Batom, Inc., with syndication in North America thoughtfully provided by North America Syndicate, Inc. It’s been a while, because last week was one long, tiresome block of exposition from Buck Bedlow, high-school rival of Bull Bushka here. Bull, of course, is suffering progressive mental deterioration from injuries sustained at the hands, shoulder pads, and helmet of this very guy, and now we learn how it happened: Bull was actually a pretty lousy football player. His memories of high-school glory are therefore false and terrible, and losing them will be no big deal.

“Wow, that takes a load off my mind, heh heh — thanks for stopping by, buddy!”

Andy Capp, 9/19/17

None of your fancy-schmancy chronic traumatic encephalopathy for treasured Creators Syndicate legacy character Andy Capp. He earns his memory loss.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/19/17

The Morgans — including newly-minted Morgan John Carter — at home. Rex consumes premium content from King Features Syndicate, a unit of media conglomerate Hearst Corporation, on some kind of antique flat foldy-paper thing; June does so in the normal, sensible way. The narration box reminds us that “time passes,” but I’m pretty sure Hearst has already got that figured out.

All that plugging, and still not a dime from the syndicates! Good thing the Comics Curmudgeon has such generous readers! Thank you!

— Uncle Lumpy