Archive: Funky Winkerbean

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/4/18

If you’re wondering how Funky Winkerbean was planning on distastefully following up Mopey Pete shows his buds the nude pics Mindy sends him,” may I present the squirm-inducing “Mopey Pete and Mindy’s brother jockey passive-aggressively for her affections”?

Mary Worth, 4/4/18

Congrats to Mary Worth on producing a plot-important object that seems skillfully drawn and yet I cannot identify. It looks a little like one of those water-resistent Bluetooth speakers you can hang in the shower. Is that it? Is Wilbur looking to to stream his ultra-depressing Iris Left Me For For Another Guy Just Because He’s Younger, Hotter, Richer, And Didn’t Cheat On Her playlist from Spotify to that speaker, so he can hear it better as he lies in the tub in a fetal position for hours?

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Mark Trail, 3/31/18

Ha ha, Marlin looks horrified in that last panel, doesn’t he! “Wow, I thought … I thought I would just come by and deliver some cages, maybe tranq an elephant or two. But apparently, I’m going to have to punch out a rhino. I’m probably gonna die in the process, or at least be horribly injured, but it looks like I don’t have any choice in the matter.”

Funky Winkerbean, 3/31/18

“By which I mean things will soon give rise to a massive explosion that will poison the area around it for years.

Hi and Lois, 3/31/18

So, uh, Thirsty has been immobile out in his lawn chair in various types of inclement weather for two weeks now? That … that can’t good.

Judge Parker, 3/31/18

Remember the last lady the then-future Judger Parker Jr. urged to “call me Randy“? She was just an innocent paralegal named April who didn’t even know how to use chopsticks, who later turned out to be a CIA assassin and member of a family of arms dealers and international criminals and probably did know how to use chopsticks, very well, and also how to use various deadly knives and other killing implements. What I’m trying to say is that we’re going to find out some real dirt on Toni Bowen sometime in, say, 2023.

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Funky Winkerbean, 3/30/18

Yesterday Mopey Pete told Darin that he and Mindy were “taking it slow,” by which he meant only communicating by email, which wasn’t “funny” per se, and also turns out to not be “true” either. Anyway, today apparently Mindy texted him a nude pic, which Pete immediately showed to Darin, because he’s a real class act!

Marvin, 3/30/18

Usually toys are only recommended for older kids because they’re choking hazards — like, babies will shove anything into their mouths, so if toys are too small or have parts that break off easily, they can easily kill the baby. So I say go for it, kids!

Dick Tracy, 3/30/18

Stung to death by a giant jellyfish with a cute name? Finally, a death worthy of the hall of fame!