Archive: Funky Winkerbean

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Funky Winkerbean, 11/14/19

It’s actually been kind of amazing over the years to watch Les get lavished with more and more praise and material benefits even as his personality veers further from “irritating” into “completely insufferable.” This week, we’re finally getting the closure we’ve wanted about Bull’s suicide arc, and that closure is naturally all about Les. Remember, in the early, “fun” days of the strip, Bull was a vicious bully who made ever day of Les’s life a living hell; ever since the various time jumps, the strip has tried to retcon it so that secretly Bull liked and respected Les all along, even when they were kids, and Linda has invited Les over to make sure he knows this. Why, Bull had even been donating money to Lisa’s Legacy Fund all this time, unbeknownst to Les, even though they were friends and colleagues for years as adults and there was no real reason for Bull not to tell him, and Les is also presumably in charge of all the finances of Lisa’s Legacy Fund so he would’ve known anyway. But still, what really counts is that Linda is spending her mourning making sure Les knows how beloved and respected he, personally, is.

And hey, you might’ve noticed from that old strip linked above that way back before time jump #2 Bull and Linda were talking about adopting a child! Well, after the time jump, they had in fact adopted her and she was a teen, and we haven’t seen her in years and years and years but probably she’s … dealing with her father’s death in her own way? Her response isn’t as important as Les’s, of course, but it might be an interesting part of this storyline to explore, just a suggestion!

Family Circus, 11/14/19

One Family Circus narrative conceit I really enjoy is when Billy (age 7) subs for Daddy as the artist for the Family Circus. There’s just so many narrative layers involved! First, it acknowledges that Big Daddy Keane within the world of the strip is both a character and the universe’s creator; then, of course, there’s the fact that real Bil Keane passed away years ago, and that the strip is now drawn not by Glen Keane (the real-life Billy analogue) but rather the grown-up Jeffy, pretending to be his father pretending to be his brother. Today, he’s really leaning into the fact that his version of his father’s version of his brother (age 7) sure sucks at drawing the Family Circus! Look at this chump’s hackwork! He can’t even draw a circle properly! He’s going to ruin the family business! Probably it should be handed down to one of the other sons, I guess?

Mary Worth, 11/14/19

Mary Worth ill-advised wedding dream sequence” is a phrase that I never knew until this moment that I so badly wanted to see acted out. The giant question mark obviously represents Estelle’s questions about her future with Wilbur, which somehow haven’t been answered quite definitively by a week of drunken antics, but I really hope that the door pops open tomorrow and we see The Riddler, there to perform the ceremony.

Pluggers, 11/14/19

You’re a plugger if you refuse to give your wife this one thing, just one thing, just dress nicely just this once, no matter how happy it would make her.

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Gil Thorp, 11/6/19

Aww, sweet injustice-hating Chance Macy nobly faked an injury so that his backup (who is the stepson of his antagonist) could get some playing time and a touchdown in a game where the Mudlarks were already way ahead. Could this guy get any more saintly? Looking forward to Chet getting unmasked and then dumped from the school board and then Charlie Roh’s mom divorces him and then he’s ritually burned to death in next year’s bonfire.

Mary Worth, 11/6/19

See, the difference between me and Wilbur is that if I were drunk and trying to needle a romantic rival about his name, the worst I could do is wonder why a woman would think she had honored a person with a totally normal name lke “Zachary” by giving her son the dumb misspelled name “Zak,” but Wilbur just went there with “Zachary fucked your mom, LOL,” huh? Anyway, shoutout to everyone who only just today discovered that “lovely but stern late-middle-aged woman jams a spring roll down a hapless doofus’s throat while a handsome man watches, smiling” is their primary fetish.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/6/19

“It was cold-blooded murder! I left those keys where I knew he would find them! And I’m not sorry! I’m not sorry at all!

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/25/19

Hey, folks, here’s some Hollywood insider information which, uh, I definitely already knew and didn’t Google just now: as much as a “shopping agreement” sounds like a fake Funky Winkerbean phrase like “vendo” or “solo car date” or whatever, it’s actually a real thing! Basically, an option, which is what Mason proposed to do last week, is when you pay someone a relatively modest sum for the exclusive rights to try to produce a movie within a set period of time, with an agreed-upon larger sum to come if the project actually moves into development — so, for instance, you might get paid $10,000 for a one-year option, and if by the end of the year the production company has been able to make the movie happen, you’ll get paid $100,000, but if not, you can keep the $10,000 and could work with someone else if they’re interested. In a “shopping agreement,” you give someone with more Hollywood connections than you exclusive rights to shop a script around for a set period of time, often with little or no money changing hands and no real guarantee of what you’d get paid if anything happens. According to the Law Offices of Gordon P. Firemark, “the shopping agreement provides the rights owner little certainty, while limiting his/her ability to entertain other offers. The Producer might blanket Hollywood with the project, reducing likelihood that there will be opportunities later, if he/she/it is unsuccessful in setting up the project.” So I’m really rooting for this to end in failure, which, according to panel three, aligns my desires with Les’s, which quite honestly I’m pretty uncomfortable with.

Gil Thorp, 10/25/19

Having struck out with his wife and a fellow school board member in his attempt to keep dangerous rage monster Chance Macy off the Mudlarks, Chet has turned to the only force that can help him: the free press. Unfortunately the Milford print media is part of the town’s tightly-knit elite and Marjie immediately narced to Coach Thorp. Why does Chet trust the fake news instead of reaching out to Marty Moon, the only man in town willing to expose the tough truths? Marty is presumably sitting by the phone right now, waiting for a phone call just like this, very, very drunk.

Mary Worth, 10/25/19

Ah, you know what would help you sort out your feelings about a guy you’re dating but not really sure about? If he, without asking you, turns your date plans into double date plans, with his ex who he’s still transparently hung up on and her hot young boyfriend! I think Estelle will have some pretty firm opinions on whether she wants to continue seeing Wilbur after this!

The Phantom, 10/25/19

ME, A GUY WHO’S READ THE PHANTOM FOR MORE THAN 15 YEARS AND LIKES TO ACT LIKE HE HAS SOMETHING OF A HANDLE ON ITS WHOLE GEOPOLITICAL BACKSTORY AND YET HAS NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON HERE: Uh, yes, it, uh, did have to happen eventually! Yep, armed people bound for Wambesiland! You hate to see it … but you knew it was going happen sooner or later. I think?