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Mark Trail, 4/24/20

Oh, hey, sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on what’s been up with Rusty and Kevin’s big walk in the woods. What’s happening is this: the woods are on fire! You can tell how pure of hearts these two lads are because they’re worried about how everyone else is doing as they run through the flames. Isn’t that cute? They’re all gonna die!

Funky Winkerbean, 4/24/20

I’ve been staring at this strip for a while now, growing increasingly upset both at it, for not having having any joke in it, and at myself, for either somehow missing an obvious joke or spending too much time staring at a strip that doesn’t have a joke in it and trying to will one into existence, with my mind. I feel like it has the rhythm of wordplay — like, “close to the action” should have one obvious, straightforward meaning, and then also have some punny double entendre implication, but it doesn’t have either. It’s not even a single-entendre. It’s a zero-entendre. Plus nobody refers to the Hollywood ‘Hills’ with some kind of implied quote marks around them. THEY’RE LITERALLY HILLS ARGH ARGH ARGH

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/20/20

Oh, look, we’re back at what is somehow my least favorite Funky Winkerbean storyline: Les agreed to have his sad comic book about his dead wife, Lisa, turned into a movie, again, which is a potentially lucrative arrangement for him, except for whatever reason he loathes the idea but instead of just saying no he’s decided to be as sullen a dick about it as humanly possible. Anyway, maybe I’m prejudiced as a cheerful Angeleno convert, but I find it extremely funny that Les has chosen a picture of palm trees for Mason’s profile pic on his phone, which most people usually find to be symbolic of the great weather and fun lifestyle out here, but to Les it clearly indicates that he’s about to get a call that he’s going to hate.

Slylock Fox, 4/20/20

You know, if you wanted to make a point that the purpose of police isn’t to stop crime or even serve the general public but is rather to protect the property interests of the wealthy and politically powerful, I would say that doing a cartoon where the Animal Kingdom’s chief investigator was put to work just finding the monarch’s lost jewelry would be a little on the nose, honestly.

The Lockhorns, 4/20/20

“You can’t see it because everything below your waist is just an inky, undifferentiated black shadow without texture or even a third dimension. Honestly, for years I thought you were wearing ballet tights.”

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Kevin and Kell, 4/9/20

Welp, it turns out that I started reading Kevin and Kell, a strip about horny furries who kill and eat each other, more than a year ago, but then almost immediately lost interest in it. But rest assured, gentle readers, I am always going to let you know when a comic strip that I have to assume appears in a certain number of family newspapers features gaily skipping animals festooning a maypole with long strings made up of the viscera of (I think we have to assume) sapient squirrels.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/9/20

I think she’s probably more incredulous about you trying to put the moves on your friend’s widow just a few weeks after he killed himself by driving off a cliff! I think it’s a pretty safe bet! I’m pretty incredulous about it myself!

Mary Worth, 4/9/20

I mean … do you have to tell him? You definitely haven’t told Hugo about Jared! Why do you feel like you have to start telling your various boyfriends the truth about things now?