Post Content

On the Fastrack, 12/7/19

I hate to be the guy who fact-checks the punchline of a comic strip, but … oh, who am I kidding, I absolutely love to be that guy, that’s literally why I started this blog in the first place, and anyway, while wearing a helmet is of course an important safety precaution, I strongly doubt that, in an accident that removed a scooter rider’s head clean at the neck, a helmet really would’ve made much of a difference one way or another. A more appropriate depiction for the statue would’ve been of a guy with his head still attached but a really disgusting head wound, but apparently On the Fastrack, which prides itself on being the most goth syndicated comic strip in America, isn’t willing to “go there.” Sad!

Funky Winkerbean, 12/7/19

Ah, yes, who could forget the “Lord of Late,” the supervillain personification of Mopey Pete’s writer’s block who we last saw, I think, seven years ago? I know that newspaper comics have just straight up given up on trying to win new readers, but it’s absolutely wild that they’ll just throw up punchlines like “I’m sure he was a first ballot inductee into the hall of the ‘Lord of Late’” that will have a tiny percentage of obsessives nodding and saying “Right, that bit from 2012, we all remember it, great callback” and literally everyone else wondering if they’re having a stroke.

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 12/3/19

“Hey,” literally nobody asked, “What’s going on with Darrin and Mopey Pete in Funky Winkerbean?” Well, at the doomed comic book publishing venture that they gave up lucrative Hollywood jobs to work at, an artist from the Golden Age of Comics has either been hired in some vague consultant role or is just hanging around the office because he has nowhere to go and nothing better to do (I don’t remember which and if you think I’m going to bother digging through my archives to see if I can figure it out you have wildly overestimated my tolerance for the Comic Book Wankery plots of Funky Winkerbean). Anyway, you want a seasoned professional on your roster for moments like this: when he remembers some long-held grudge against a co-worker who’s almost certainly dead and can’t defend himself, and then just drones on and on all afternoon about what an asshole the guy was.

Crankshaft, 12/3/19

You know, I sort of assume that Crankshaft’s endless malapropism are generated by faulty wiring in his brain, and that he lets loose with them without really thinking about them or even realizing what he’s doing. That’s why I kind of resent the sly smile he’s giving his granddaughter in panel three here. “A ‘napkin,’ get it? What do you think of that one? Just a little something I’m workshopping.”

Six Chix, 12/3/19

Remember Chicken Little, the beloved folk tale protagonist who’s hit in the head with an acorn and believes the sky is falling, convincing his friends of upcoming doom and teaching listeners a valuable lesson about mass hysterias that can arise without much evidence of danger? Well, today’s Six Chix dares to pose the question: what if the sky … were falling? Really makes you think, doesn’t it.

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 11/14/19

It’s actually been kind of amazing over the years to watch Les get lavished with more and more praise and material benefits even as his personality veers further from “irritating” into “completely insufferable.” This week, we’re finally getting the closure we’ve wanted about Bull’s suicide arc, and that closure is naturally all about Les. Remember, in the early, “fun” days of the strip, Bull was a vicious bully who made ever day of Les’s life a living hell; ever since the various time jumps, the strip has tried to retcon it so that secretly Bull liked and respected Les all along, even when they were kids, and Linda has invited Les over to make sure he knows this. Why, Bull had even been donating money to Lisa’s Legacy Fund all this time, unbeknownst to Les, even though they were friends and colleagues for years as adults and there was no real reason for Bull not to tell him, and Les is also presumably in charge of all the finances of Lisa’s Legacy Fund so he would’ve known anyway. But still, what really counts is that Linda is spending her mourning making sure Les knows how beloved and respected he, personally, is.

And hey, you might’ve noticed from that old strip linked above that way back before time jump #2 Bull and Linda were talking about adopting a child! Well, after the time jump, they had in fact adopted her and she was a teen, and we haven’t seen her in years and years and years but probably she’s … dealing with her father’s death in her own way? Her response isn’t as important as Les’s, of course, but it might be an interesting part of this storyline to explore, just a suggestion!

Family Circus, 11/14/19

One Family Circus narrative conceit I really enjoy is when Billy (age 7) subs for Daddy as the artist for the Family Circus. There’s just so many narrative layers involved! First, it acknowledges that Big Daddy Keane within the world of the strip is both a character and the universe’s creator; then, of course, there’s the fact that real Bil Keane passed away years ago, and that the strip is now drawn not by Glen Keane (the real-life Billy analogue) but rather the grown-up Jeffy, pretending to be his father pretending to be his brother. Today, he’s really leaning into the fact that his version of his father’s version of his brother (age 7) sure sucks at drawing the Family Circus! Look at this chump’s hackwork! He can’t even draw a circle properly! He’s going to ruin the family business! Probably it should be handed down to one of the other sons, I guess?

Mary Worth, 11/14/19

“Mary Worth ill-advised wedding dream sequence” is a phrase that I never knew until this moment that I so badly wanted to see acted out. The giant question mark obviously represents Estelle’s questions about her future with Wilbur, which somehow haven’t been answered quite definitively by a week of drunken antics, but I really hope that the door pops open tomorrow and we see The Riddler, there to perform the ceremony.

Pluggers, 11/14/19

You’re a plugger if you refuse to give your wife this one thing, just one thing, just dress nicely just this once, no matter how happy it would make her.