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Mary Worth, 3/5/23

Ah, it looks like Estelle is finally coming to the conclusion that it’s not that she has bad taste in men, exactly, it’s just that she can’t afford to make any one man her be-all and end-all. Looks like she’s going to explore ethical non-monogamy and rely on each of her suitors for what they do best: Ed, when she wants to be with someone who’s handsome and charismatic and a good kisser; Wilbur, when she wants someone who’s available at all times because he doesn’t have much of a social life or even a real job; and Arthur, for … phone sex? As a skilled romance-scam artist targeting the elderly over the phone, Arthur was good as phone sex, probably?

Gasoline Alley, 3/5/23

As America’s last living veteran of World War I, Walt could probably give Gertie a pretty good explanation of what hyperinflation is like, since he was actually around for the last serious bout of it in the Western world. Unfortunately, Gertie made the mistake of saying “shell shock” in the final panel, so she’s going to be dealing with his PTSD all afternoon instead.

Marvin, 3/5/23

What would Jeff’s prize have been if he had won this staring contest? That Bitsy would agree to pee in the house? I know the Millers are trapped in a unending hell of poop and piss, but I’m beginning to suspect it might be at least a little their fault.

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Gasoline Alley, 2/28/23

One of the fascinating things about the current state of AI is that in science fiction, we imagined that robots would be able to dryly give ultra-correct answers to concrete questions but struggle with nuance, emotion, and (for some reason) contractions, while what we have today are chatbots like ChatGPT that will respond to your questions in fully idiomatic English paragraphs full of confidently delivered vague bullshitting and outright errors. Similarly, I think it’s funny that this is a strip with a talking bear that seems to be fluent in English but gets hung up on the idea that the bear might not understand some pretty basic idioms, when it should be focusing on laying the worldbuilding groundwork for the coming Human-Bear Wars, in which our ursine foes combine their massive strength with their newfound ability to communicate abstract concepts to one another to become an unstoppable fighting force.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/28/23

Remember, Snuffy only recently awakened his father from a Rip Van Winkle-seque sleep that lasted for who knows how many decades, so this punchline is literally true and very poignant. Pappy Smif is a man ripped out of his time! All his contemporaries are long dead, as is every detail of the world he thought he knew.

Dustin, 2/28/23

Hey, were you worried that Dustin’s parents don’t have much of a social life? Well, they do! It involves hanging out with other old people who also hate and resent their children.

Dennis the Menace, 2/28/23

Wait, is it supposed to be somehow menacing when Dennis reveals that his mother thoughtfully tidied up the house before company came over? What … what are we even doing here, guys.

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Dennis the Menace, 2/15/23

I know the intended reading here is that Dennis is asking Mr. Wilson, who doesn’t like kids now, whether he (Mr. Wilson) liked kids when he was himself a kid. But they bolded one instead of were at the end of the question, which totally changes the meaning! If Dennis actually said this aloud with that emphasis, he’d be asking whether Mr. Wilson liked kids when he was one year old, specifically. And look, I’m no child development expert, but I’m pretty sure most one year olds barely know what other kids are and don’t really have strong opinions on them. Mr. Wilson at age one probably liked having a nipple in his mouth and an absence of sudden loud noises, and that’s a comprehensive list.

The Lockhorns, 2/15/23

I know Loretta being dissatisfied with Leroy’s earning power is one of the core jokes of this strip, but they’ve always been depicted as living in a decently sized suburban home, so I have to assume that Leroy’s decision to do his workout routine immediately behind the living room couch where Loretta is trying to entertain company is a deliberate and aggressive choice. I’m not sure if he’s trying and failing to impress this woman with his physical prowess, or if he’s aiming this behavior and Loretta and it boils down to the buch more basic “God, I hate my wife! Oh, is she not paying attention to me? We’ll fuckin’ see about that.”

Gasoline Alley, 2/15/23

A couple days ago, National Book Award winner and Pulitzer Prize nominee Joyce Carol Oates tweeted inquisitively about the comic strip Gasoline Alley, becoming the latest in a series of high-profile cultural commentators who are stealing my bit. Anyway, I hope her interest carried through till today, because I think she’d be quite intrigued to learn that the current storyline is about a little boy who’s about to freeze to death in the woods.