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Gasoline Alley, 10/22/21

So Gasoline Alley is meandering along with one of its typically shambolic plots about a park ranger’s kids (the same ones who had to deal with sexually aggressive talking frogs) who are scared of a local abandoned house and so their mom thinks that maybe that would be a good spot for Halloween festivities, except oh whoops it seems there’s a realtor at the house and it’s just been sold so it’s not abandoned after all! That all is … certainly not particularly interesting, but I am a little charmed that the park ranger lady is willing to go there when it comes to really playing out the consequences of what would happen if some kids got horribly injured at an unsafe haunted house. If you went to some farmer’s cooperative all decorated with fake ghosts and stuff, but then you tripped and fell onto a pitchfork and it impaled you and you died and your actual spirit was condemned to haunt the building for all eternity, as a warning for those who don’t follow proper safety protocols for children’s events, that would be pretty ironic, I would think!

Judge Parker, 10/22/21

Hey Abbey! Has it occurred to you that maybe these people are willing — nay, thrilled — to think the worst of you and blame you for all their problems precisely because they’ve known you all their lives as the haughty rich lady who lives in the giant “ranch” that takes up half the town? Just putting that out there!

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Dustin, 9/21/22

A thing about doing a comic strip every day for years and years is that keeping up with whatever “high concept” you used to sell the thing in the first place gets exhausting, so eventually you just start having characters say whatever jokes you or your gag writers can come up with or have maybe heard from someone else, ignoring more and more frequently the fact that they’re birds or whatever. Dustin’s been around for more than a decade now, so hopefully we’re getting closer and closer to the blessed moment where it stops being a Millennial vs. Boomer battle and just features its various generic characters driving around and reciting forwarded email jokes to one another.

Gasoline Alley, 9/21/22

Wow, it’s really sad that sexually aggressive frog-demons go unpunished in this strip, while we’re treated to images of innocent trees screaming in agony as they burn to death!

Gil Thorp, 9/21/22

Oh snap! Heather Burns is in her first week on the job as Marjie Ducey’s replacement and she’s already shaking up the staid Milford Star’s ways by live-tweeting the game! This would be a real threat to Marty Moon’s radio show if he still had a radio show, but I’m pretty sure he’s just up there in a peach crate, yelling into a headset that isn’t connected to anything.

Hi and Lois, 9/21/22

Wait, who the hell was Thirsty texting? His only friend is Hi and he hates his wife, so I don’t … ohhhh, he was in the bathroom with his phone “texting,” got it.

Mary Worth, 9/21/21

No, Wilbur! This woman works with dogs all day, so you can’t use dogs to flirt with her! Plus you don’t even have a dog yet! You’re swinging into action too soon! Bad Wilbur! Bad! [whacks Wilbur’s nose with a rolled-up newspaper]

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Gasoline Alley, 9/16/21

OK, I am going back on what I said before: I am going to briefly recap the current Gasoline Alley plot (this little girl spent a long time arguing with a talking frog who wanted her to kiss him because he claimed to be a human country western star and he’d turn back into a person if she did) because it’s important to know that what seemed like a rambling shaggy-dog story that didn’t really go anywhere was part of a plot by Satan himself, the Great Deceiver to tempt humanity into Fall #2 and curse us with Double Original Sin! So I guess this talking bear is … God? Sure, let’s go with that.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/16/21

OH MY GOD ASBESTOS, WE ALL KNOW WHAT ASBESTOS CAUSES DON’T WE