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Gil Thorp, 6/16/26

Good news, everyone! Luke has given up on his pagan beliefs that Milford High is haunted by the shades of its dead coaches, and has now returned to the orthodox doctrine of the Holy Mother Church, which holds that Jesus’s “spiritual body” can physically interpose itself between horny teens to prevent sexual sin.

Bizarro, 6/16/26

A few hours ago, they force-fed that antelope something with the winner’s name written on it — something hard, inedible, and painful to eat, as that’s the only thing that could remain intact in the digestive system long enough for this to work — and now that lion is going to eviscerate the poor animal live on stage and pull the name from its steaming, quivering guts. That’s what’s happening here, right? That’s the joke? That’s the nightmare to which this pun has led us?

Shoe, 6/16/26

“It’s so … erotic! Old guys usually aren’t my thing, but I’m not made of stone.”

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Gil Thorp, 6/8/26

Isis, a Mudlark student-athlete, was taken by ICE earlier this year, and she’s now being released after much protest by fellow students, and this big local news story with national implications is being covered by … local podcaster Marty Moon, using the same iPhone camera streaming setup he uses to comment on high school golf? Honestly, I’ve never been more concerned about the health of the Milford media ecosystem.

Beetle Bailey, 6/8/26

I have to admit that I’m not really sure what the “joke” here is supposed to be, so I’m choosing to believe that Beetle wasn’t sure whether to dig a foxhole as he learned to do as part of his military training or to dig a hole that would be appealing to an actual fox, so he tried to split the difference and has satisfied nobody.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/8/26

Mae Mae is wiped out by her first two mornings of honest work in years, and needs to go take a nap before dinner. Mud is amorously moved by her choice to take self-care in this manner, and honestly it’s the most romantic thing I’ve seen in the comics pages in years.

Herb and Jamaal, 6/8/26

For one brief, terrifying moment, I was convinced that Herb and Jamaal was going to introduce the concept of polyamory to its audience via one of its child characters. But, thankfully, it was just setting up a joke that’s been circulating in print and online for nearly 40 years instead, which is frankly much more on brand.

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Mary Worth, 6/3/26

Bad news, everyone: Tommy has managed to “seal the deal,” as they say in the sex-having community. He’s not like the other guys, as demonstrated by the fact that he refers to frozen yogurt as “fro-yo.” If he’d called it “frogurt,” he’d have a long, lonely night ahead of him.

Shoe, 6/3/26

Look, I complain a lot about how Shoe generally refuses to acknowledge that its characters are all birds, so I have to hand it to today’s strip: “Charles Squab” is a solid bird-themed pun. Unfortunately this scenario is out of date: the Perfesser, as the strip has repeatedly established and indeed makes clear today, does not have anywhere near the amount of assets that would justify in-person financial advice, and would have been pushed into checking his balances on squab.com, or squab.bird, or whatever the top-level domain in the Shoeniverse is.

Alice, 6/3/26

Why not look 70 at 70? Why not look however old Alice looks at whatever age Alice is? Have you ever given any thought to how old Alice looks, or is? I hadn’t, but now I can’t stop thinking about it, and whether those two numbers match up, and how you could even tell!

Gil Thorp, 6/3/26

COACH BABU: I can help Beth with the wedding.

GIL: Are you sure, Coach Babu?

COACH BABU: Only if I can plan the sangeet. Is there one?

GIL [nervously glances down at the convenient narration box explaining what a sangeet is, learns that it sounds fun and also inexpensive]: There is now!