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Blondie, 12/14/07

I think I’ve made it clear that I oppose the coloring of daily comics, especially when the artists aren’t the one making the color choices. It’s particularly bad when the strips are specifically created with coloring conventions that accommodate publication in black and white and then are colored in. One of the most disconcerting examples of this is when something in a strip is supposed to be red and is colored solid black in the black-and-white version. It makes total sense in a monochrome format, but once you add color into the mix, you get bizarre results like Hi and Lois’ S&M Valentine’s Day, or Dagwood the goth Santa.

I got some fine pics from a meetup from faithful readers in greater Portland, which I’ll be running in the next day or two, but I did want to share a related anecdote from faithful reader Brown-Eyed Girl that’s relevant here:

As I was trying (and failing) to find the highway out of Portland, I stumbled across the Santacon: 600+ people dressed up like Santa Claus marching through downtown Portland. Well, staggering through downtown Portland; many of them were drunk. In honor of the black-clad Santa in Luann, I’ve sent you a picture of a black-clad Santa. “Better dead than red,” he said.

I should add that I only see Luann in black and white, and so black-suited Santas there seem totally reasonable to me. Dagwood’s hat, however, gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Gil Thorp, 12/14/07

No one is ever, ever allowed to make fun of the art in Gil Thorp again. Ever. What other strip would aim so high as to give us triple-Bill punching action? I particularly like the way that that the lead Valley Tech Vandal’s omnipresent hat is blasted off his head by Bill’s very first punch, symbolically emasculating him. It’s unclear whether he’s holding his face in panel three because he’s bleeding everywhere or because he’s ashamed of being beaten up by a dude with one leg.

Meanwhile, Cully’s sad face in panel three indicates that he’s getting no joy from this savage beatdown. Either his time in prison has shown him that the turn to violence is never any kind of victory, or he’s disappointed that he didn’t get to break these guys in half himself with his “wrestling moves.”

Curtis, 12/14/07

“Well, you were wearin’ shorts and flip-flops, I should say. I was wearing the same damn outfit I have on now, just like I do every other day of my life.”

Beetle Bailey, 12/14/07

Ha! It’s funny because the U.S. Army’s officer corps is mostly composed of desperate alcoholics!

Pluggers, 12/14/07

Pluggers know that a plastic sofa cover is a lot cheaper than fancy incontinence medication.

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Mark Trail, 12/13/07

Steve McQueen death hoax shocker!

Shocking evidence from north of the border indicates that movie legend Steve McQueen, universally thought to have died in Mexico in 1980 after receiving nontraditional treatment for his lung cancer, may have faked his death and moved to Canada to achieve his lifelong fantasy: to become a Mountie! “After being a racecar driver and an actor, if Steve could have done one thing, it would have been to join the RCMP,” former wife Ali MacGraw was quoted as saying in a 1986 interview. Now this photo, taken by an anonymous source in a rural Canadian town, confirms that McQueen has been living his dream for the last three decades:

At 77, Sergeant McQueen is the oldest active member of the RCMP.

Judge Parker, 12/13/07

Let’s ignore for the moment the Magical MacGuffin brownies that are only going to disappoint us. Judging by the rather blurry appearance of Sophie in the background, she’s gotten tired of the constant mockery of her lilac pantsuits. Presumably, after carefully studying information she found on the subject on the Internet and making a detailed list of the pros and cons, she decided that it was time for her to experience puberty.

Family Circus, 12/13/07

Or you could just try opening your mouth, Billy. That ought to work pretty well.

For Better Or For Worse, 12/13/07

YES! GIRLFIGHT! GIRLFIGHT! GIRLFIGHT FOR ANTHONY AND FRANCIE’S LOOOOOOOVE! MOST POINTLESS GIRLFIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF GIRLFIGHTS!

Gil Thorp, 12/13/07

Oh my gosh, “Slow down!” That’s even one step beyond “Ease up”! Surely some terribly carnage is about to commence.

Sally Forth, 12/13/07

Goodness, it’s nice to see Ted Forth feeling better. He’s high on life! And possibly meth.

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Apartment 3-G, 12/10/07

I’m not sure what I would have expected Margo’s reaction to a simple, open-hearted gesture of human kindness to have been, but “recoiling in horror” seems about right. I do sort of wonder why she thinks running a chain of hair salons qualifies someone to plan a wedding, but she is desperate. And not a particularly good event planner. Maybe she just takes Ruby’s business prowess as evidence that she’s not a mouth-breathing submoron like her cousin Lu Ann.

Weighing against Ruby’s intelligence, of course, is the fact that she keeps calling Margo “Maggie”. At first I thought she just actually didn’t know A3G’s feistiest roommate’s name, but I’m beginning to think that she believes that “Maggie” is an acceptable nickname for anyone whose name starts with “M” and then has a “G” in there somewhere. (Note: It isn’t.)

Gil Thorp, 12/10/07

This little expedition in school spirit-based vandalism cannot end well. I’m going to bet that the current governor of whatever benighted state Milford is in ran on an “I’m even tougher on crime than the other guy who’s tough on crime” platform, resulting in a “two strikes and you’re out” rule on the state lawbooks. Thus, once Cully is caught red-handed in an act of senseless spirit rock desecration, he’ll be sent to the big house for 25 years. There, as he whiles the decades away lifting weights, only one thought will be on his mind: “MUST. KILL. ONE-LEGGED BILL. (OR WHOEVER THAT IT IS IN THE CAR. I’M PRETTY SURE IT’S BILL THOUGH.)” Somewhere in the year 2034, Bill Ritter will be leaping about on whatever advanced cybernetic limbs are available then, only to come face to face with Cully, hell-bent on revenge!

Momma, 12/10/07

“Hmm, I’ve been doing this strip for 37 years, and I’ve constantly harped on the fact that Momma is unnaturally jealous of her daughter-in-law. But how can I make this so vilely obvious that everyone gets a full sense of this feature’s Oedipal horror?”

They’ll Do It Every Time, 12/10/07

Our long good-bye to Al Scaduto begins today with this entry from “Samantha Gordano,” who is also faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader mako. “Of course I wrote in talking about [my husband’s] inability to find the trash can for juice containers,” she says, “but Mr. Scaduto must have known about his propensity for letting the dog clean it up as well.” She says she’d like to dedicate this strip to his honor. What I want to know is, does she want to vacuum his skull on the inside or the outside?