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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/15/25

Hey, here’s a fun fact for you: did you know that ventriloquists don’t “throw” their voices anywhere? They just learn to speak with their mouths closed while working a puppet to match their speech, which creates the illusion that the voice is coming from elsewhere, because our sense of vision is much more precise than our sense of hearing and we tend to lock on to the moving puppet and assume that’s where the sound is coming from (and it’s generally not too far from the puppeteer anyway). Advanced practitioners can alter their voice to be softer so it seems to be coming from far away, but nobody can actually make it sound like it’s coming from a completely different direction. And yet there are so many comics and cartoons that imply otherwise! Much like this one! I attribute it to comics and ventriloquism emerging from the same milieu of popular entertainment and so cartoonists felt they would be violating kayfabe if they let on how it worked, but it’s also possible they didn’t know either because you couldn’t just look stuff up on Wikipedia back then, and now we’re stuck with the tropes. Anyway, my point is that as a child, I, like I assume many of you, had wildly incorrect ideas about ventriloquism, so thanks a lot, comics. And don’t even get me started on quicksand!

Heathcliff, 2/15/25

Oh, are you saying a robot and a cat can’t be friends, Grandpa Nutmeg??? I guess this really is the last acceptable prejudice, huh. (Not going into the details of what “this” might refer to, please write some fanfic about it if it interests you.)

Dennis the Menace, 2/15/25

I’m not sure what exactly Dennis is blathering on about — like is he saying that he did a bunch of sins over the past week because he hadn’t heard the good news about how he shouldn’t or something, maybe? — but I don’t actually think that’s important, because he’s only talking to distract the minister so he can get close enough to deliver a solid punch to the nuts. And the minister knows it! That’s good defensive use of the Holy Bible there, rev, I know they don’t teach that at seminary, you learned it from hard experience.

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Heathcliff, 9/14/24

One of the hazards of the Backup Comics Blogger business is that you start musing about the interior lives of comic strip characters. To wit: does Heathcliff resent Garfield? I mean, he’s got nothing to be ashamed of: Heathcliff has run for fifty years; launched a TV show, movie, and more than 50 books; hung in the Louvre; and sponsored NASCAR driver T.J. Bell (2007 Ford F-150 #50). But relative latecomer Garfield (1976) is a force of nature: the world’s most widely syndicated strip; multiple TV specials; TV series in the US (four Emmys), France, and coming up on Nickelodeon; and wellspring of the Paws, Inc. licensing and merchandising juggernaut sold to Viacom in 2019 for an undisclosed amount probably north of a quarter billion dollars. When you think “orange comic-strip cat,” Heathcliff is probably your second thought.

So I understand Grandma Nutmeg’s mistake; I’ve made it myself. But I understand Heathcliff’s little scowl, too.

Crankshaft, 9/14/24

[Author’s note: On Wednesday I compared legacy comic strip Funky Winkerbean to a parasitic snail. That comparison was mean-spirited and grossly unfair. I have heard and understood those to whom I’ve caused incalculable pain and harm. I am profoundly sorry, and extend my sincere apologies to parasitic snails everywhere.]

In his Joan of Arc play Die Jungfrau von Orleans, Schiller wrote, “Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens”—”Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.” But I wish at least a couple of those gods would contend with Les here, so I don’t have to. Consider: Les is working around the School Board’s ill-drafted rule that disapproved books can’t be ordered by the school [nudge nudge wink wink] by ordering copies himself to be distributed to students through a local bookstore. Why not just pass them out in class? Don’t know!

And when that bookstore is torched by an angry mob, he accepts the kindly offer of another bookstore owner to take over distribution. What could go wrong? Maybe that thing that went wrong last time? Nah, it’ll be fine.

Frankly, if this “banned book” prestige arc ends with some stupid pun about Harry L. Dinkle’s “band books,” I’ll be strangely satisfied. That’s all I’ve got for you today, Les: go away now!

Luann, 9/14/24

OK here’s another Les, sort of a palate-cleanser. Like Thomas Fairchild in Sabrina—who took a chauffeur’s job so he’d have time to read books—Leslie Knox is unambitious, comfortable in his own skin, and content. He’s the bad one. Whiny, manipulative, anxiety-ridden, passive-aggressive Mama’s-boy Gunther is the good one. You will be made to agree!

Pearls before Swine, 9/14/24

Geez, and here I thought Dagwood was a fascist. Fight the cyclocracy!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/24

Panel three: Mary Worth plops down between Parker and Truck and hisses, “Listen to me, young man. You get right back on that bike and this time, stay in your lane.”

So ends the 2024 Comics Curmudgeon Fall Fundraiser. Josh sends his grateful thanks from far-off sunny Italy, and I add my own. Thank you, generous readers!

—Uncle Lumpy

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Crankshaft, 9/11/24

I’m delighted by Cayla’s puzzled look in panel one: “Somebody wants to talk to Les? Why?” But I’m deeply disturbed by the invasion of Crankshaft by Funky Winkerbean characters, locations, and themes, the way a parasitic snail consumes its host from within. I mean, if you’re going to end your comic strip why not, y’know, just end it?

I can certainly respect Team Crock for wanting to maintain the ol’ revenue stream, and genuinely admire the sleight of hand by which For Better or For Worse ducked mass cancellations by camouflaging its transformation into a zombie strip. But I can’t think of a reason for this Crankshaft takeover unless … unless … (in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind) the intent all along was to terminate Crankshaft and keep Funky going.

Heathcliff, 9/11/24

Ah, but here’s some comic relief: at the slightest provocation, Heathcliff entertains murderous revenge fantasies about his owner! Although I guess that’s pretty much all cats; carry on.

Zits, 9/11/24

The Sara character always gets a pass in Zits: popular, caring, socially adept, blah blah blah, never the butt of the joke. But today’s strip gives the game away. Even people who talk this way don’t talk this way with confidantes, so Sara is using Jeremy as either a stooge or a mark. What, then, is her sinister plan? Pull a Snuffy Smith and take over Jeremy’s strip from within? Use Zits as a platform to invade some other strip like Les Moore is using Funky to insinuate his way into Crankshaft? Get adopted into wealth by Judge Parker‘s Abbey Spencer (with D’ijon as Sara’s Sassy Black Girlfriend)? Time will tell. In the meantime, Jeremy has a raisin up his nostril.

Rex Morgan, 9/11/24

Truck is intrigued: “These bicycles you speak of—one sits on them, does one not? Because, Parker, God gave me a gift. I sit. I sit very well.”

—Uncle Lumpy