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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/19/13

So Rex strong-armed Milton into canceling an 8 am business meeting to go get some tests to find out whether or not he’s going to die at any moment. But Milton didn’t get to be a highly strung business asshole by letting so-called “doctors” push him around just in order to stave off so-called “death,” so he had to pull the little power play you see here, to make sure Rex is kept in his place. Basically, Rex, those tests better come back with answers that allow Milton to “enjoy” his current soul-killing lifestyle … or your pregnant wife gets it, capisce?

Heathcliff, 4/19/13

You guys, today’s Heathcliff features Heathcliff suspended in mid-air, a là Bullet Time from the Matrix, as his angry owner-lady informs her doomed guests that hot furry death is about to descend on their faces, all yowling and slashing claws. It is honestly amazing.

Panel from Spider-Man, 4/19/13

Oh, look, here’s the most erotic Spidey-Daredevil panel to date! ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND, EVERYBODY.

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Gil Thorp, 4/4/13

So the Gil Thorp baseball season plot so far has been “Foley is annoying and also wants to be a lawyer like his dad,” which, booorrr-ing. But it’s always good to see Marty Moon back in the wooden packing crate that he huddles inside to call Milford games with his trademark thermos full of hooch. Did he have a laptop in there with him before? Does he have a laptop in there with him now? Is that “laptop” just one of those fake cardboard laptops they have to take up space on desks in furniture stores?

Judge Parker, 4/4/13

Haha, now we see why April didn’t want to invite Randy’s parents to their wedding: because the ceremony will take place behind the barbed wire surrounding the compound of her father’s apocalyptic death cult, deep in the Yucatan rain forest. And it won’t be so much a “wedding ceremony” as an “invocation to the Lords of the Dead, inviting them to drink the steaming blood of the mewling human sacrifice once known as ‘Randy.'”

Heathcliff, 4/4/13

Meanwhile, Heathcliff is single-handedly battling one of the tentacled Dread Elder Gods on behalf of those of us residing on this plane of existence, and, in unrelated news, some guy just wants pepperoni on his pizza.

Apartment 3-G, 4/4/13

“Yeah, it helps familiarize the public with businesses and nonprofits they might be interested in … ‘publicizes’ them, you might say. If only we knew someone who was up on that sort of thing!”

Wizard of Id, 4/4/13

Ha ha, yes, “The Hobbit,” that sure was a pop cultural phenomenon that saw a spike in interest several months ago! Anyway, not gonna lie to you guys, it took me a while to figure out that the Wiz was pointing at this dude’s feet.

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Heathcliff, 3/31/13

I cannot tell you how happy the single word “greenies” (well, OK, I guess the single word “greenies,” repeated) made me today. Not that I’m any great fan of amphetamines (for that is what the term refers to, in a baseball context), but I’m a particularly great non-fan of sports moralizing that boils down to “Everything today is so corrupt and soiled because of long hair and the rap music! Why can’t we go back to the noble, upright athletic heroes I had has a child?” Speed has been pretty prevalent in baseball since the 1940s, meaning that the vast majority of baseball fans today have never seen a greenie-less game! And pep pills actually help enhance performance, unlike, say, deer antler extract. In other words, I salute Heathcliff for reminding us that, as far back as history records, we have lived in a fallen world.

Crock, 3/31/13

So … I’m assuming there’s, like, a handyman who endorses things on TV by saying he’s a handyman? Like Schmeese does in the throwaway panels here? Damn it, I hate being made to feel like I’m missing some pop cultural reference, and being made to feel like I’m missing some pop cultural reference by Crock is particularly humiliating.