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Herb and Jamaal, 9/26/12

How much salt do you generally consume when someone plays the old “salt in the sugar bowl” trick on you? Like, significantly less than a spoonful, most of which you end up spitting out because whatever you intended to put sugar on tastes repulsive with salt on it, right? Can you imagine how many times someone would have to do this to you to cause any real increase in your blood pressure? Like, every day, for years. It’s actually much more likely that Jamaal’s blood pressure is up because his business partner and supposed best friend is a vicious prankster, and it’s extremely stressful wondering when the next “hilarious” gag will cause him physical discomfort and/or bodily harm.

Family Circus, 9/26/12

Good lord, what sort of violent, Keane-persecuting hellscape lies outside the walls of the Kompound? Quick, everyone, let’s seal ourselves in the basement! It’s the only way to be safe!

Hi and Lois, 9/26/12

Hey, everybody, it’s a Curtis-Hi and Lois crossover! Because if there’s one thing we all associate with Curtis, it’s the meticulous curation of unopened classic toys. Remember, there’s no better way to tip your hat to your fellow cartoonists than to use one of their character designs but then completely ignore any of the personality traits they’ve developed for that character!

Apartment 3-G, 9/26/12

“Right here, just below my eyeball. Remember, Greg, this is the most erotic spot on a woman’s face. Now lick it. LICK IT!” Ladies, Lu Ann is showing how you can ensure that a date’s refusal to come up to your apartment won’t be so polite next time.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/13/12

There’s definitely an interesting socioeconomic analysis to be done on the ways in which certain activities that were once deadly earnest attempts to gather food came, in an era of relative caloric abundance, to be luxury pastimes instead. But I’m hard-pressed to explain how Snuffy and Lukey, who never had any kind of job when times were flush, have had their lives affected by extra-Holler financial crises. Perhaps there’s less demand for chickens, Hootin’ Holler’s sole export, which means there are fewer chickens for the two old rascals to steal? More likely, “th’ economic downturn” refers not to anything that would affect us flatlanders, but rather to some apocalyptic event that severed the last tenuous economic tendril connecting Hootin’ Holler to the outside world, leaving its isolated residents with no option but to turn back to the forests and streams for sustenance. This crisis presumably happened decades ago, and so what we’re seeing here is a prequel strip showing the genesis of the Snuffy Smithiverse as we’ve come to know it.

Mary Worth, 9/13/12

Hey, remember when Dawn got dumped by her boyfriend and she was incredibly depressed and then her dad took her on a cruise and they almost died but then were rescued and it made Dawn re-evaluate everything and decide to live a more meaningful life? Well, in order to live that more meaningful life, she bowed to Mary’s demand that she volunteer at the hospital, and, oh look, she’s found a Dave-replacement — a similarly bland and blond fellow with a monosyllabic all-American name — on her very first day there. How efficient! I guess she can stop volunteering now, mission accomplished!

Herb and Jamaal, 9/13/12

Shorter Herb: “I only married my wife because she’s physically attractive, and now I can’t understand why she’s mad at me all the time.”

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Funky Winkerbean, 9/12/12

In accordance with Funky Winkerbean’s long tradition of making unbearably big deals out of low-level life problems, Mopey Pete the comics artist is behind deadline on the Superman book he’s working on, which is being portrayed metaphorically by him being bedeviled by a sinister supervillain called “The Lord of Late.” This was easy enough to ignore until today, when it was revealed that Mopey Pete is writing a series about Superman walking across America. Does Mopey Pete not know that Superman can fly?? Then I found out that this was actually a real thing, which just made me madder. Does DC Comics not know that Superman can fly??

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/12/12

Oh my goodness, Rex’s look of weary disgust in panel three is priceless. “Ugh, the worst part of my highly-compensated medical work is that sometimes you repair a dumb meatsack and then it thinks you have some kind of emotional connection to it or something. Looks like it’s time to starting having all patients anesthetized before I come into the room!”

Hi and Lois, 9/12/12

Poor Trixie has been used as an unwilling tool in the seduction of more innocent girls than she can count, with her pre-verbal status leaving her unable to warn Chip’s emotional victims. You can tell by her face in panel two that this is really starting to wear her down.

Family Circus, 9/12/12

Check out Dolly’s smug facial expression! That’s the look of a girl who can find the sex parts of any book.

Herb and Jamaal, 9/12/12

Shorter Jamaal: “I hold my best friend in withering contempt, because I’m a terrible person.”