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Hi and Lois, 3/22/17

Shoutout to Hi and Lois for jettisoning a “joke” or “punchline” here and instead choosing to depict one of its main characters going through an unspecified but apparently severe health crisis. Hi, sweating copiously but unable to keep warm no matter how many layers he puts on, mumbles “I can’t find any medicine in the medicine cabinet!”, his blurring vision leaving him incapable of reading the labels on any of the various medications available to him. Tomorrow: Hallucinations and/or death!

Gasoline Alley, 3/22/17

One of the things I like (“like”) about Gasoline Alley is that they introduce these new characters and just act like they’re beloved and that we should care about their weird, inscrutable motivations and emotions. So, Ruth, the besotted (?) office manager of beardy PA Chipper Wallet, has pretty much been a one-note character, that single note being how cheerfully dumb she is, and this has been offered up for our uncomplicated amusement, but now we’re supposed to feel bad because she knows she’s dumb and incapable of running the office by herself, no matter how brief Chipper’s absence. Anyway, if this burst of tears and associate hug ends up with the two of them sexing, I will be very, very disgusted.

Six Chix, 3/22/17

WHY IS THE CHIPMUNK WEARING GLASSES

WHY

WHYYYYYYY

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Mark Trail, 3/7/17

Normally this owl and this mouse would be involved in some epic predator-prey battle right now, but both are instead sitting absolutely still so they can hear every word of the hilarious conversation about this Water-World Theme Park Disaster that Cherry is indeed talking about.

Shoe, 3/7/17

Casually letting your boss know that you’ve been rummaging through the recycling bins behind your favorite lunch spot is a pretty passive-aggressive way of asking for raise, in my opinion.

Hi and Lois, 3/7/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Lois and Irma have learned to regulate their husbands’ mood swings with alcohol!

Marvin, 3/7/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because these babies are cognitively capable of figuring out why they have to smell each other’s shit all day but for some reason can’t figure out how to use a toilet!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/7/17

YUP, JUST A CIRCLE OF WOMEN DYING AND MEN ONLY COOKING FOR THEMSELVES WHEN WOMEN DIE

REAL CYCLE OF LIFE BUSINESS

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/28/17

Hmm, it looks like we’re going to be seeing Loweezy and Elviney trade irregularly metered rhyming lines on the subject of Loweezy’s diet over the next few days! I’m looking forward to them becoming increasingly desperate for rhymes the week drags on. “Do you think the diet’ll keep the’ pounds off in the future, Lo?” “I’ll get in trouble with th’ preacher for this, but I’m gonna turn to witchcraft and do some scryin’!”

Hi and Lois, 2/28/17

Meanwhile, Hi and Lois continues with its quest to show us the soul-crushing emptiness of modern white-collar suburban life. Yesterday the strip tackled work; today, it tackles sex, as Hi attempts to weave romance into his overburdened family schedule, much to everyone else’s disgust.

Phantom, 2/28/17

So the current Phantom storyline involves Orson, this beardy dude, who doesn’t think the Phantom is real, trying to convince the Bangallan government to put out a stamp about the Phantom legend, which stamp will probably be bought up by a small group of international collectors and make a tidy sum for the Bangallan treasury and be completely ignored by the world at large. And so the Phantom has … brutalized and kidnapped Orson? And revealed himself as actually existing? To stop the stamp from being produced? I’m pretty sure the Ghost-Who-Walks is also the Ghost-Who-Seriously-Overrates-The-Influence-Of-Stamps and also the Ghost-Who’s-Never-Heard-Of-The-Streisand-Effect.