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Mary Worth, 4/29/12

The greatest thing about Mary Worth … wait, no, scratch that, there are so many great things about Mary Worth, how can I be expected to choose? Ahem, let me start over. One of the great things about Mary Worth is how each storyline begins with limitless possibilities of amazingness. These are generally swept away by a tide of painful boring, but it’s fun to imagine at the beginning where it’ll go, and once in a while you do get an Aldo-style payoff. Anyway, right now I’m hoping that against all odds the Gina-Bobby star-crossed love story will suddenly become an Agatha Christie-style locked room mystery in this mysterious mansion. “Is all this yours?” “Ha-ha … no! It belongs to a friend of ours, mysterious benefactor who specifically requested that we gather a demographically heterogeneous group of people, each with a dark secret that will come out at some point during the proceedings, for a ‘special announcement!'”

Your first clue: this Long Island manse has the Spanish-tile roof that we see everywhere in Mary’s West Coast home. Did she ever really leave California at all? Or did her flight out, which was full of trippy visuals, all happen in her own head? Prepare to have your mind blown at the shocking conclusion! Or maybe Bobby and Gina will just announce their engagement at their friend’s house and then Mary will go back home, that seems more likely.

Marvin, 4/29/12

Whatever you think about Marvin’s relentless and repulsive obsessions, you have to credit the strip for using the entire space the Sunday format provides to set up this “Marvin enjoys wetting himself” joke.

Hi and Lois, 4/29/12

Hi and Lois sure has been leaning heavily late on the Thirsty and Irma sure do hate each other schtick. That all ends today in spectacular fashion as Irma beats her husband to death with a broom handle, while a horrified Lois watches and tries to figure out how not to be arrested as an accessory to murder.

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Hi and Lois, 4/14/12

The people in this scene don’t go from smiley to frowney because of Thirsty’s little jab — obviously they’re all well acquainted with the sad, hateful Thurston marriage’s dynamics. No, the sudden shift in mood comes because between panels they’ve all fallen through some kind of wormhole portal into a literal mirror universe, where everything is swapped right-to-left. Good luck processing right-handed amino acids in this terrifying hostile dimension, guys!

Mark Trail, 4/14/12

“Do you think he’ll like my green lipstick? I know he’s a square who hates marijuana, hopefully it won’t freak him out too much.”

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Shoe, 4/11/12

I’m not really sure if the pharmacist in panel is telling Roz that her pills have gotten more expensive or that her dosage has been tripled, but, really, who cares? Roz sure doesn’t! She’s high as a kite! Abusing prescription drugs is awesome, that’s the important lesson here.

Hi and Lois, 4/11/12

I guess Trixie in panel two is supposed to have an “I’m sad because I’m sick” face, but honestly to me it really just looks like it’s an “I’m sad because of what’s in my thought balloon” face. “I can’t even walk yet! I’m such a failure! I can’t coast by on a being a cute baby with stupid hair forever, I need to achieve independent mobility!”

Judge Parker, 4/11/12

“And why should he? I mean, there’s no possible conflict of interest in an elected official taking an extravagant gift from a foreign national who’s heavily involved in several murder attempts in his jurisdiction, after all!”