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Mary Worth, 6/9/07

Ah, what a revealing sibling diptych in the wake of the meeting that was so long in coming! On the right, we have Vera, brought to spasms of uncontrollable weeping as years of suppressed emotion wrench their way out of her soul. On the left, we have Von, who’s head is vaguely itchy. Remember, kids: alcohol is your ticket out of undesirably intrusive emotional experiences!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/9/07

Man, for a guy who thinks his friend’s husband is long dead in the icy North Atlantic, Rex is sure looking cheery in panel two. “Yeah, why don’t you go over and console Heather, soothe her grief, do woman stuff, whatever … while I get the house all to myself! For me and anyone I want to invite over. Lucky for me I wore my grooviest shirt today!”

Hi and Lois, 6/9/07

Dude, child labor is so much cheaper!

Apartment 3-G, 6/9/07

Sleepy, disheveled, nighty-clad Margo? Bliss. Sleepy, disheveled, nighty-clad, ragingly self-absorbed Margo? Rapture.

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Mary Worth, 6/7/07

You know those people who say, “Oh, I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself when I retire!” I am not one of those people. I am basically lazy. Thus, if I had been cast out of my enormous mansion in Pacific Cliffs, and forced to live in a filthy tenement and get an archaic job like “typist” at an ad agency to survive, and then moved into a sublet at a soulless condo complex next door to Mary Worth and that was a step up — well, even if the experience did make me stronger, I might consider myself to be strong enough to go back to the lap of luxury when the opportunity presented itself, is what I’m saying.

On the other hand, if this strip has any desire to tone down the Flowers in the Attic vibe, panel two is NOT HELPING. Could the lap of luxury come at too high a price? I’d have to find out exactly how much luxury we’re talking about here before I make that call.

Hi and Lois, 6/7/07

Today’s Hi and Lois takes on the tough issue of twin-on-twin violence. I have to say that I’m actually a little creeped out by the way Ditto is slowly and deliberately rolling up the sleeve on his punchin’ arm, while Dot stands a few feet away, cringing in terror, but not fleeing. Fortunately, mom is on the case, making sure that Ditto merely humiliates and degrades his sister verbally.

For Better Or For Worse, 6/7/07

So, um, did I totally misidentify Shawna-Marie way back in 2005, or have she and her entire family switched races, as in the hilarious ’80s comedy Soul Man?

Also, it does seem kind of strange to try to switch your processional at the rehearsal, but, hey, if your mother is a terrifying control freak (I believe they call her the “black Mira Sobinski”), I can see how the prospect of confronting her might be kind of anxiety-inducing. On the other hand, they may not be actually at the rehearsal; according to the first panel, they’re just “go[ing] over the rehearsal.” That’s right, this is the wedding rehearsal rehearsal, people. After all, you want the rehearsal to go off smoothly, don’t you? Of course you do. I’ll tell you this: at the real rehearsal, Shawna-Marie will smile and rehearse with grace and dignity, and not spend all her time mouthing off about that rock-and-roll hippity hop music.

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For Better Or For Worse, 6/3/07

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that, while I don’t find the “Grandpa Jim is horny” strips to be knee-slappingly hilarious or anything, I don’t find them as distasteful as everyone else seems to. Really, no matter who we are, we’re all hopefully going to be old and infirm one day, and will probably be idly ruminating on and/or actively enjoying physical contact with the young and nubile. It’s too bad for Iris that apparently she’s going to have to have a stroke for anyone to touch her. Anyway, it could be a lot worse; we could be subjected to:

• Mike and Dee’s shell-shocked inability to cope with middle-class affluence and terrific dumb luck.
• Liz coming to the insane realization that the Mustache, his hate-spawned daughter, and his basement concentration camp are all she ever wanted in this life.
• April raging at anyone or everyone.

In that light, little interludes like Grandpa’s fantasy life, or Ellie’s sheet-shaving, are positively pleasant.

Zits, 6/3/07

Or, you know, one of Ellie’s kids could be devouring her brain out from the inside. Actually, that might be kind of fun to see.

Family Circus, 6/3/07

Speaking of things that are unpleasant, didya ever know that Big Daddy Keane and his woman used to like to mack on the couch? Betcah didn’t! Betcha didn’t want to in a million, million years! And yet here we are.

In the interest of symmetry, the empty nest version of the couple in the final panel really ought to be making out as well, as we all know that’s what happens when the kids leave the house. Maybe raising four children is so exhausting that they can’t work up the energy. Or maybe they’re thinking, menopause or no, that they’re not taking a chance on another one of those ever happening again.

Hi and Lois, 6/3/07

If after-school specials have taught me anything, it’s that the phrase “He’s cool, right?” in this context means “He will participate in, or at least not inform the relevant authorities about, our illegal drug use/underage drinking, right?” Thus I can’t help but be a little disappointed in the denouement here, and a little disappointed that Ditto isn’t more disappointed.