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Mary Worth, 10/2/21

[At the wedding] “So she said to me, ‘Is that your Frenchie?’” [leers grotesquely, everyone is kind of uncomfortable] “And I said ‘Yes. They’re cute, aren’t they? Except for the…” [really unsettlingly long pause, leers even more grotesquely, everyone waits for it, not really sure what “it” is going to be] “CHEWING!’” [disgust rises, nobody can quite put their finger on what he’s getting at here or what this double entendre is but they can all agree it’s very gross] [there’s no cute Pierre accent jokes in this one, he’s run far, far away at this point]

Hi and Lois, 10/2/21

I love the way the first panel here emphasizes the difference in height between our two mismatched best buds. It’s as if Hi is trying to physically intimidate Thirsty into finally, after literal decades, embracing the craft brew revolution. Sorry, Hi! The whole point is to drink the beers as quickly as possible to get buzzed as quickly as possible, and you can’t do that if you have taste it.

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Mary Worth, 10/1/21

“Ah, mes amis! I realize I have not been keeping you up to date about my adventures with Weelbur. Je suis désolé! You see, what happened is, he has taken me out of his terrible apartment and unclipped me from the leash, and then I said au revoir forever! I shall ‘peace out,’ as you Americans say!”

Hi and Lois, 10/1/21

You know, one of my main philosophical beefs with religions that propose an afterlife of eternal rewards and/or punishments is the disproportionality of it all. Like, what could we possibly do in our finite life on Earth that would merit an eternity in heaven, or hell? Your soul in either place could exist for a billion years, so that your entire mortal life would basically be a long-forgotten blink of an eye, and that still would only be an infinitesimal fraction of what you have ahead of you. Can you imagine an angry Dawg confronting a baffled God, demanding to know why he only got 12 or so years on Earth, when soon everyone he ever loved would be joining him in heaven, and they’ll be happy together forever, as transcendent beings. Unless … the Flagstons are going to hell? They’re bad people, they’re going to hell, and Dawg, who lives with them and knows them intimately, is well aware that his few years on this plane are the only ones he’ll ever spend with them, as they’ll all be tortured for all eternity, for their sins? I realize this has gotten pretty heavy, but if Hi and Lois didn’t want me going down this road, it probably shouldn’t have done a comic where a little girl and a dog contemplate mortality.

Dustin, 10/1/21

The thing I appreciate about today’s Dustin is that Dustin’s dad is still wearing his suit, which means that he spent his evening commute seething in a white-hot rage, confident that when got home he would find that Dustin had once again failed to get a job or do anything productive, and worked himself up into a frenzy so intense that he had to find his no-good son and yell at him immediately upon arriving at the house, without even pausing to take off his tie. It’s funny because his whole life is nothing but a series of disappointments!

Blondie, 10/1/21

Having complimented Blondie’s punchline yesterday, I now feel like I have credibility to point out that today’s absolutely sucks ass. Establishing a whole German backstory for Lou (“Ludwig,” I guess?) just to deliver a gag about an oompah band playing a song not associated with oompah music and also see Dagwood get a pile of goo to eat, which despite his ravenous appetite seems very much not his bag? Terrible, terrible all around. Sad to see the strip blow its entire week’s supply of humor in a single day.

Dennis the Menace, 10/1/21

“I’m sure he’d like to. But he can’t! He can’t communicate with anyone! He’s screaming endlessly, in his own mind!” Menace level: very high.

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Dustin, 9/21/22

A thing about doing a comic strip every day for years and years is that keeping up with whatever “high concept” you used to sell the thing in the first place gets exhausting, so eventually you just start having characters say whatever jokes you or your gag writers can come up with or have maybe heard from someone else, ignoring more and more frequently the fact that they’re birds or whatever. Dustin’s been around for more than a decade now, so hopefully we’re getting closer and closer to the blessed moment where it stops being a Millennial vs. Boomer battle and just features its various generic characters driving around and reciting forwarded email jokes to one another.

Gasoline Alley, 9/21/22

Wow, it’s really sad that sexually aggressive frog-demons go unpunished in this strip, while we’re treated to images of innocent trees screaming in agony as they burn to death!

Gil Thorp, 9/21/22

Oh snap! Heather Burns is in her first week on the job as Marjie Ducey’s replacement and she’s already shaking up the staid Milford Star’s ways by live-tweeting the game! This would be a real threat to Marty Moon’s radio show if he still had a radio show, but I’m pretty sure he’s just up there in a peach crate, yelling into a headset that isn’t connected to anything.

Hi and Lois, 9/21/22

Wait, who the hell was Thirsty texting? His only friend is Hi and he hates his wife, so I don’t … ohhhh, he was in the bathroom with his phone “texting,” got it.

Mary Worth, 9/21/21

No, Wilbur! This woman works with dogs all day, so you can’t use dogs to flirt with her! Plus you don’t even have a dog yet! You’re swinging into action too soon! Bad Wilbur! Bad! [whacks Wilbur’s nose with a rolled-up newspaper]