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Judge Parker, 9/24/22

Oh, gee, I guess we’ve been spending so much time exploring the wildly seesawing emotional conditions inside the heavily fortified Spencer-Driver compound that we haven’t noticed that Cavelton at large has become a violent, drug cartel-ruled hellscape. This should work out great for Abbey when she becomes mayor, as she’ll be able to use a brutal crackdown on the gangs and the accompanying suspension of constitutional protections for defendants as a cover to go after her enemies, ex-mayors and ex-husbands alike.

Hagar the Horrible, 9/24/22

Aw, isn’t that romantic? Hagar and his band of Vikings have apparently established a trade route to Mesoamerica, but are keeping it a secret from anyone but their most beloved family members. Also, Hagar’s a terrible alcoholic (less romantic).

Hi and Lois, 9/24/22

I would not advise Hi to buy the contents of a mysterious POD from some guy who, as far as I know because I’ve never seen him in the strip before, just showed up in the neighborhood today! I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure you’re accepting responsibility for however many corpses are in there if you do this.

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Dustin, 9/13/22

You gotta respect (and by “you gotta respect” I mean “you are not at all required to respect, and in fact I’d think a lot less of you if you did”) Dustin’s dad total commitment to the bit, with the bit being that he does not love or like his son and wishes he didn’t have to see or deal with him. He’ll tell anyone! Even people who’ve never met Dustin! I honestly love the salesman’s facial expression in the second panel here. “The fuck, man? I just want to sell you a couch, I did not consent to participate in your family’s psychodrama.”

Hi and Lois, 9/13/22

This may be one of the first ever Hi and Lois strips I can remember that doesn’t depict any of the core cast. I guess we’re supposed to assume that it’s either Hi or Thirsty on the other end of that Zoom call (I mean, Thirsty’s been “quiet quitting” for years) but I think it’d be funnier if Mr. Foofram has been getting in touch with each of his employees one by one, desperate to get someone to come back and keep him company in the expensive real estate he occupies, only to be repeatedly rebuffed, producing that facial expression.

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Gil Thorp, 8/11/22

Inveterate heel Marty Moon has done exactly two nice things in his entire life: in 2008 he pretended to be a kid’s dad so the kid and his siblings didn’t get taken into foster care, and today he defended Gil’s sexual constancy on air. Only Marty gets to talk shit about Gil, new guy!

Hi and Lois, 8/11/22

Love the captain’s facial expression in this strip, though I’m honestly not sure if it’s meant to indicate “Ahh, you’ll get to see some pirates soon, all right … when the pirates I’ve made a deal with show up and take you all hostage, paying me a portion of the ransom like we arranged” or “Wow I am extremely high, good thing it’s making me even better at steering this boat.”

The Phantom, 8/11/22

Oh, hey, uh, they killed the Phantom? The Phantom is dead? RIP the Phantom, 1936-2022, I guess?