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Crankshaft, 10/13/15

You might remember the Crankshaft strip from last month in which our heroes jammed an inflatable kangaroo into a pothole for a campaign commercial. I found it completely baffling, but several commenters patiently explained that it was a joke about the potholes being so deep they reach all the way to Australia. At least one person pointed out that the more typical metaphor would involve “digging a hole to China,” which is indeed the theme of today’s strip/commercial, going back to that same well. I’m honestly not sure if the fact that Ralph’s one-note campaign is just repeating itself endlessly is itself supposed to be the joke or if we just get one of these a month because, you know, why not.

Six Chix, 10/13/15

Hey lady, relax: Talking Heads broke up in 1991, with a fair amount of acrimony among the band members. If by some chance they did reunite, they’d probably do a reunion tour, or maybe even record a new album, but at any rate they’d be much more focused on music than telling you that coffee’s bad for you, OK? If David Byrne says it solo, it doesn’t count, so don’t worry about that.

Judge Parker, 10/13/15

Let’s not forget that Neddy’s big plan for this factory is literally to hire old people who are already on Medicare and Social Security so she doesn’t have to pay for their health insurance or retirement. This seemed like a great money-saving scheme at the time, but she hadn’t factored in the need to build elevators to accomodate the dozens of rascal scooters that would soon be whirring all over the factory floor.

Beetle Bailey, 10/13/15

Remember, if only straight men work on building sex robots, then a huge potential market will go untapped.

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Judge Parker, 10/10/15

“He’s got some nerve, thinking this story is all about him, just because he’s a famous musician that people enjoy reading about, and also is providing 100% of the operating capital for the company!”

Mark Trail, 10/10/15

HOLY SHIT THEY APPARENTLY MAKE SEA-ATVS NOW AND THE BAD GUYS FROM MARK TRAIL ARE RIDING THEM INTO NAVAL COMBAT

Funky Winkerbean, 10/10/15

Someone to help you lug the crushing pile of stone that is your life from place to place: the Funkyverse’s version of happiness.

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Judge Parker, 10/4/15

Oh, hey, I guess we’re turning back to some actual Parker family dynamics in the strip ostensibly named for them! April has just fallen seventeen notches in my esteem for using the perfectly gross phrase “give her a grandchild,” though I’m sort of impressed at how sure she is that she’ll be able to overcome the uncertainties of the human reproductive process within a set timeframe by sheer force of steely will. Of course, we should note the way April artfully deflects Abbey’s assumption that she was going to the Balkans on World Bank business. April is of course a CIA operative and knife-weilding killer, so presumably in a few weeks reports will emerge from Montenegro of an isolated mountain village, the entire population of which was found murdered in their sleep, with the only inhabitant missing being a single newborn baby. Katherine will have her grandchild within the year, all right. Katherine will have it in record time.

Six Chix, 10/4/15

This poor woman is addicted to tops! She must fight this addiction by purging all tops from her life. There will be no tops, only bottoms. Every object will have a lower half but no upper half, an undersurface but no covering. How is this possible? What nightmare of madness-inducing, unnatural geometry is she unleashing on the universe? We will all be collateral damage in her terrible battle against her addiction.