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Hey, it’s Fashion Week on the funny page, and here come the Judge!

Judge Parker, 6/26/2008

Well! Since he returned last week from his mysterious eighteen-month retreat, the fashion world has waited breathlessly for their first peek under the robe of our own Judge Alan Parker. Speculation has been nonstop, and wild! What will we find under that robe he wears night and day? His pyjamas? Nothing at all? Mrs. Parker? Now the mystery is revealed, and . . . well, he can close the robe back up. Really, Judge. Go right ahead.

Judge Parker, 8/7/2007

Of course, Judge Parker holds court for more than just the latest styles: look to the House of Parker for tips on fabric care, too! Like this one: to achieve her casual “off the rack” look, wine-country fashionista Trudi lightly steams her ribbed tops over the grillwork of a 1955 Buick Roadmaster!

Mary Worth, 6/26/2008

And would any Fashion Week be complete without an appearance by our First Lady of Fashion, Mary Worth? Here, Mary appears in a simple but elegant romper, set off by her ever-present pearl choker. Mary’s appearance this year is marred by controversy over rumors she’s invited a new partner into her circle, displacing her partner of many years, Dr. Jefferson Cory.

Mary Worth, 7/4/2006

Not long ago, Cory occupied a prominent place in Mary’s circle — but tonight there’s a table for one at the Bum Boat with his name on it!

Luann, 6/26/2008

Finally, let’s look in on fashion’s own Odd Couple. Just minutes after his close escape, TJ is back in his cool, casual, classic look — and back to looking out for number 1! And while Brad’s ensemble may say “World War I Doughboy” on the outside, he’s showing the world he’s Pillsbury Doughboy on the inside!

Hey, what are your comic fashion picks and pans?

— Uncle Lumpy

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Judge Parker, 6/22/2008

Well, speak of the devil and he appears! The distinguished-looking gentleman in panels two and five is the Honorable Alan Parker, Judge of the mumble mumble Court of mumble mumble in Parkerville, ST. He’s in the (endless) process of retiring, and when we last saw him — on November 28, 2006 — he was helping his son, Randy “Work it like a claw” Parker, campaign for his seat on the bench.

As early as the 1960’s, the Judge had grown too respectable to be involved in any kind of action — rough-and-tumble P.I. Sam Driver took care of that end of the business. Now similarly neutered, Sam patronizes his secretary, ignores the advances of beautiful women, and passes the action torch to Steve Shannon.

This happens all the time in serial strips:

Why do authors build strong characters over years, only to turn them to plaster saints? Thank heaven Dick Tracy still keeps his hand in the game.

Flash Gordon 6/22/2008

Zonino! Who knew this was still being published? And with a special guest appearance by King Features superstar Mary Worth in the first two panels!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Daily continuity strips have to fiddle with time to tell their stories. And anybody with an idle hour, a links page or utility and a refreshing beverage can figure out how they manage it. Let’s give it a go!

Judge Parker, 6/19/2008

It’s morning in Judge Parker! This strip moves so slowly, characters could sit on the porch and watch continents drift by. Here’s the chronology since the last appearance of the Esteemed Eponym himself — on November 28, 2006:

1/1/2007 — Goodbye, Abbey and Neddy!
2/5/2007 — Off to school, Neddy!
6/18/2007 — Off to California, Sophie and Sam!
8/6/2007 — Mornin’, Trudi!
10/29/2007 — ‘Bye, Rusty!
1/7/2008 — Mornin’ Abbey!
3/24/2008 — Off to work, Steve!
6/16/2008 — Elvira in the news!

Did I miss any? Let me know at bio@jfruh.com. At a little over two months per day, those evenings with Abbey (or Trudi, or Rusty, or — God help us — Rachel) come waaaaay too far apart — but they last a good long time. Not that any of that makes the slightest difference to Sam.

Mary Worth, 7/5/2006

To measure glaciers’ progress, climatologists poke sticks in them, then return to see a pile of wet sticks on the ground. how far they’ve moved. But to meter the agonizing peristalsis of Mary Worth, we must employ prunes.

Above, Mary prunes in a scene of regularity and contentment. Her life is as it has always been: quiet, refined, her presumptuous intrusions into the lives of others unchallenged, out of her victims’ stark terror. A new conquest waits in the shadows, but like a spider she bides her time.

Mary Worth, 6/19/2008

Less than two years later, as a second prune struggles its way to the light, so much has changed. As evidenced by her distress in the right panel, Mary’s life has become irregular, pinched, beset with ructions! Her disastrous rejection of Aldo’s simple affection, her meddling outshone by Ella Byrd’s clairvoyance, her contributions reduced to improving the lot of stray dogs, the public humiliation of her long-time partner — Mary’s life is falling apart. She stands at the brink, and only the tissue of her self-deception keeps her from the abyss.

Karen Moy! Give her a nudge, won’t you? Just a little one? For us? We love you, you know! And we’re quite sure you’ll feel much better afterwards!

Funky Winkerbean, 6/19/2008

OK, Tom Batiuk’s time management skills lead this pack. He slow-paces a set of characters (high-schoolers, young adults) until he outgrows them, then “leaps” — or rather, sheds the time discrepancy that’s built up. Except that this most recent leap has been a muddle — characters age inconsistently, and sad-sack author-proxy Les, here, seems hell-bent on living in multiple pasts: his nightmare adolescence, his absurdly, hilariously tragic marriage. Get it together, pal — one more leap and you’re Crankshaft.

For Better or For Worse, 6/19/2008

I throw up my hands (and oh, so much else) trying to figure out what this strip is trying to do. Last year, they announced and then utterly botched a “freeze” (sort of the antithesis of Batiuk’s leaps). This year, they’re mixing messages about hybrids, weddings, August, September. I would stop paying attention except for the nagging suspicion that despite the near-undetectable pulse of this strip, it’s going to outlive us all.

Maman, may I have my cup of tea now? And one of those little shell cookies? S’il-vous plaît?

— Uncle Lumpy