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Mary Worth, 4/18/20

OK, I’m sorry, I’ve been willing to indulge Hugo’s cartoonish Francophilia, but did he really say that Hamilton, America’s most beloved cultural product of the last decade, isn’t as good as some tired-ass cabaret show that’s been running for more than 20 years at a venue that caters strictly to tourists and nostalgists? This will not stand, monsieur. This means war.

Judge Parker, 4/18/20

“We’re all gonna touch each other and stand in each other’s personal space and breathe into each other’s faces and give each other Covid-19! It’s gonna be a blast!”

Six Chix, 4/18/20

Big news, everybody: aliens are real and they’re horny as hell

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Fast Track, Judge Parker, and Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/13/20

“Well, this worldwide coronavirus pandemic is going to affect people’s ability to travel or gather in large groups, and is even modifying how we greet each other, but probably the whole world won’t be on lockdown with most economic activity suspended by the time these strips run!” –newspaper comic strip creators a few weeks ago, apparently

Between Friends, 4/13/20

“The worldwide coronavirus pandemic will have the greatest impact on our most vulnerable population: horny people who rely on business travel to hook up with sex partners.” –the creators of Between Friends, keeping their eyes on the real issues, as usual

Mark Trail, 4/13/20

I very much love that the Crowleys feel like they have to make a stirring emotional appeal here, rather than just saying, “Well, society frowns on it when you just leave a little boy to die in the woods.” And, you know, I get it! Have you seen Kevin?

Dennis the Menace, 4/13/20

We’ve discussed Dennis’s tentative journey towards literacy before, so now I’m spending a lot more time than I really should contemplating why Dennis sitting at the feet of a girl he normally loudly claims to be unable to stand, waiting for her to do something for him he could probably do himself, and I’m feeling personally menaced by the answers I’m coming up with and what it portends for their relationship post-puberty!

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Judge Parker, 4/10/20

Oh, shoot, let’s catch you up on some Judge Parker storylines I’ve been neglected: Toni is indeed working out her political irritations by running for mayor, and Sophie, who was already looking for a non-Alan campaign to latch onto in order to irritate her family, is volunteering for (and possibly running?) Toni’s campaign, and also Neddy and Ronnie’s Netflix show about April has started filming in Cavelton. Today we learn that, despite all the narrative excitement of the mayoral race being focused on the Alan vs. Toni battle, there’s apparently an incumbent mayor who’s also running, who under normal circumstances would probably be heavily favored! Now, I’m not a data-obsessed geopolitics expert like Sophie, but if I were running an ex-newscaster’s insurgent mayoral campaign, I’d be advising her to leverage her regional fame and media contacts to get her message out rather than, apparently, having her teenage campaign manager yell things to disrupt a TV production that’s probably making a bunch of local hires and boosting the town’s economy.

Hi and Lois, 4/10/20

Damn, Hi and Lois, climate change is old news — it’s all about global pandemics now! Try to keep up with the depressing, depressing times, won’t you?