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Judge Parker, 3/12/21

So the current Judge Parker storyline has veered back to ex-CIA assassin on the lam April maybe stalking her ex and their daughter, but mostly I wanted to show you these very good drawings of Randy just having a complete meltdown. It’s pretty fun, right? Pretty fun that this child of privilege is just utterly losing, as his bad decision to marry the daughter of an arms-dealing clan comes back to bite him in the ass, repeatedly? To borrow a meme from the kids, here’s how it started:

And how it’s going:

The Lockhorns, 3/12/21

I’m absolutely loving the idea that before he met Loretta, Leroy refused to make romantic connections with anyone he couldn’t contact toll-free on his landline. The customer service reps at major home and auto insurance agencies? The good people at Time-Life Books? The time-and-temperature lady? Just a few of the broken hearts Leroy left in his wake.

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The Lockhorns, 3/4/21

Man, I genuinely want to know what Leroy is up to on social media. Like, I started writing that sentence as a bit, but now I’m imagining all sorts of possibilities. Is he posting an ill-informed comment on his favorite sports blog? Letting loose a terrible political opinion on Twitter? Going through the entire Instagram feed of a statuesque blonde he met at a party and liking each of her selfies one by one? Uploading a compilation of Loretta’s funniest nags to TikTok? You can tell by his facial expression that he’s extremely pleased with himself, so you know it’s pretty bad.

Crankshaft, 3/4/21

Ha ha, turns out “church organist drops dead mid-service” wasn’t just a funny joke I made earlier this week but a real plot development in a newspaper comic strip, an artistic medium for children (?). Anyway, say what you will about Crankshaft, but unlike certain Funkyverse strips, it’s not sentimental about the dead, you know? That lady’s body isn’t even cold and they’re already browbeating Lillian into being her replacement!

Funky Winkerbean, 3/4/21

LADY NONE OF THESE REFERENCES ARE PARTICULARLY OBSCURE, PLUS HE’S SAYING THE ACTUAL TITLES AND EVERYTHING

LIKE WHAT DO YOU THINK “GETTING” A REFERENCE MEANS

KNOCK IT OFF

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The Lockhorns, 2/13/21

Based on their relatively modest tract home and Leroy’s rail commute and his Jets and Mets fandom, I’ve long assumed that the Lockhorns was an inhabitant of Long Island. However, today’s panel makes me think that perhaps they actually live in the part of New Jersey just across the river from Manhattan, as the Garden State is one of the few that have statewide elections in odd-numbered years; they could also live in New York City itself, which is gearing up for a mayoral campaign this year, although their suburban lifestyle woud only make this likely if they lived on Staten Island or maybe in outermost Queens. Anyway, the best thing going on here is that Loretta has made the mailman stand in the doorway while she assesses her mail in terms of what it means for her marriage, and his numb, resigned facial expression tells us that this is definitely not the first time this has happened.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/13/21

“What do you think the answer to that question is?” is a stereotypical bit of therapist-speak because much of the point of talk therapy is to get the patient to really self-reflect and understand their own mind and emotional state. I feel like when you’re a nutritionist, though, your job is really to just deliver straightforward information about what patients should and shouldn’t do? Just tell him not to eat an entire 1,600 calorie fast food meal in one sitting, lady! That’s what he’s paying you for!