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Archive: Lockhorns

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You can’t see it, but Lois is sloshing around in printer’s ink up to her ankles

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Hi and Lois, 5/19/20

Sure, Amazon has cut out the middelman between publishers and readers, turning books into a low-cost mass commodity, but there’s still a space for true aficionados to browse carefully curated collections of fine novels, like [squints] John Grisham’s latest legal thriller, Camino Winds! Only the personal touch of a true bibliophile can connect you with that sort of enriching literature!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/19/20

Hmm, Truck looks a little dubious about this offer, doesn’t he? He knows that most of his fans are middle-aged dudes in loud print shirts who obsess over the distinctions between similar musical genres like Buck. Do we really want them gathering together, in “clubs,” and starting to realize their power and numbers? Sure, it would help Truck financially … but at what cost?

The Lockhorns, 5/19/20

Good news, everybody! The Lockhorns are getting divorced!

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I know Leroy’s supposed to be sweating, but I’d like it even better if he were crying

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Shoe, 4/28/20

Was Cats a box-office failure? Very much so. In fact, it’s one of the most prominent movie flops in recent memory! So it’s actually a good movie to pick for this joke … or it would be, if the joke weren’t about a dog hating it. C’mon, man! Is the joke about how a dog ID’d Cats as a financial failure because he’s a bomb-sniffing dog, or is it about a movie-reviewing dog who hated the movie Cats because he’s a dog who, like all stereotypical dogs, hates cats? YOUR JOKE IS OVERLOADED WITH SIGNIFIERS, damn it!

Crock, 4/28/20

This is comic written by someone who’s heard of books, and seen people on TV interacting with and talking about them, but has never actually read one.

The Lockhorns, 4/28/20

Pretty sure Leroy’s dying? Let’s be honest: it’s a blessing, for everyone concerned.

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The only things that make Les happy are sleet in April, bad pizza, and cancer

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/20/20

Oh, look, we’re back at what is somehow my least favorite Funky Winkerbean storyline: Les agreed to have his sad comic book about his dead wife, Lisa, turned into a movie, again, which is a potentially lucrative arrangement for him, except for whatever reason he loathes the idea but instead of just saying no he’s decided to be as sullen a dick about it as humanly possible. Anyway, maybe I’m prejudiced as a cheerful Angeleno convert, but I find it extremely funny that Les has chosen a picture of palm trees for Mason’s profile pic on his phone, which most people usually find to be symbolic of the great weather and fun lifestyle out here, but to Les it clearly indicates that he’s about to get a call that he’s going to hate.

Slylock Fox, 4/20/20

You know, if you wanted to make a point that the purpose of police isn’t to stop crime or even serve the general public but is rather to protect the property interests of the wealthy and politically powerful, I would say that doing a cartoon where the Animal Kingdom’s chief investigator was put to work just finding the monarch’s lost jewelry would be a little on the nose, honestly.

The Lockhorns, 4/20/20

“You can’t see it because everything below your waist is just an inky, undifferentiated black shadow without texture or even a third dimension. Honestly, for years I thought you were wearing ballet tights.”