Heathcliff, 1/12/13
Heathcliff enjoys eating actual putrefying garbage, much to the disgust of humans.
Lockhorns, 1/12/13
As Leroy is all too well aware, the Lockhorns’ friends are prepared to unleash a hail of bullets on both of them with very little provocation.
Pluggers, 1/12/13
WHAAAT A PLUGGER DRIVING A FOREIGN CAR BUILT BY ACTUAL COMMUNISTS HERESY UNCLEAN
Lockhorns, 12/12/12
A line from the movie Alien often pops into my head when I read the Lockhorns: “I admire its purity.” A lot of comics would engage in marital misanthropy laffs about leftovers being served once too often; only the Lockhorns has the nerve to portray those leftovers as a plate-sized, undifferentiated shit-colored mound. Leroy’s not just cracking wise about the vultures; this is rotting organic matter that can literally only be eaten by creatures with very specialized digestive systems.
Herb and Jamaal, 12/12/12
Man, things sure were better in the good old days, right? Athletes of an earlier, better time never got involved in gambling or cheating or drugs or any of that business. What could be the cause of all the young sports people doing bad things? Is it the rap music? Probably the rap music.
Luann, 12/12/12
“Talk about yourself!” Probably the best dating advice for teens ever? Sure!
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Marvin, 11/15/12
| Q. | Why couldn’t I have been born into a one-story family? |
| A. | Why not? You’ve been living in a one-story comic for years. |
Mary Worth, 11/15/12
| Q. | It’s because I’m missing an arm … isn’t it? |
| A. | No! That’s not it at all! Although I did notice when you gestured expressively at me over there in the left panel a moment ago that you were holding your drink and pointing using the same hand, and frankly it looked pretty awkward. I, on the other hand, with my two arms, count ’em yourself, one … two, can hold a drink in my right hand while gesturing expressively — like this! — with my left hand, from its convenient location at the end of this arm here! The left arm, second of two! Pretty useful, wouldn’t you say? I was wondering why you don’t do something like tha… AUGH OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ONLY ONE ARM GET AWAY FROM ME YOU HIDEOUS MAN-FREAK! |
Family Circus, 11/15/12
| Q. | Mommy, do we know any princes? |
| A. | We’ve been over this, Dolly — that’s where the pisketti comes from. |
Spider-Man, 11/15/12
| Q. | What’s he up to? |
| A. | He’s introducing Sherry to the Four Stooges. |
| Sorry, that was harsh — the four monkeys. | |
Lockhorns, 11/15/12
Scabs, again?
Oh God I am so profoundly sorry.
— Uncle Lumpy